Our son is 16 years old and struggles daily with autism since age 3. I identify with my son for different reasons. I'm transgender knowing since age 4. Emily.
I wish there was hope and something we could believe in when it seems every day is a struggle. I just wish to end my pain. I have truly had it and feel that is my only choice. I am not exactly sure when and the method but I have come to the reality that I have too much struggles and I have really lost my will. It won't be today but I am sure it will be but I really have to talk with my doctors first to see if they can help me. I will give them that benefit because they have helped me but I am facing so much adversity and I don't think I am strong enough to hold on. I am trying to for my son but he too is bringing me down and even though I am trying to advocate for him I am unable to reach him. If I can't help him or myself then what is the point of this suffering. I just want to sleep and never worry any more. I have finally had a chance to live as Emily, although brief I feel my writings and social media site will help those as that is truly all I ever wanted was to live a good life, have a family, do my best in my profession, in providing for my family and in helping my son. I was always thinking with them in mind and even as Emily and Edward D Iannielli III, I share some of my stories on Emily's story: Life, Family and being Transgender and on www.edwardi.blogspot.com and on Hubpages as I will provide that link as well: http://ediann.hubpages.com/hub/Emilys-sentiments-on-Life. I am now 52 and disabled and I have become very sad because of my son's situation and the fact that it is tearing apart our family in addition to my transgender which I struggled with for my entire life. In truth I am very happy as Emily and at least i had a chance to be me, a transwoman although brief I did have a chance to live and be accepted as Emily, a dream for me. The whole tragedy in this is my desperation and loss of hope has led me to this point which I'd rather not face but am really losing my inner fight. I suffered far to long and am tired. I will live out the rest of my life as Emily and hope someone can help me. If not I will do what I felt destined to do which is to end my emotional pain on my terms. Love my family and trying to get through this and all my friends here who I never had the chance of meeting but grateful. If my writings can help inspire one person then my life would have meant something. I am also an organ donor so at least I can help someone that way as well. I am a good person. I just am different and hid myself and lived in shame and it has taken its toll on me and I just feel so alone right now. Best wishes to all. Emily
Please feel free to read my writings and leave a kind message or suggestion. Thank you. Emily