I was in the city working at a client's office with Larry, one of the partner's who I respect very much and enjoy working with and I remember being excited for Matthew this morning as he was going on a school field trip to the nature preserve at Long Beach with his 1st grade class. It was October of 2005 and the day was a beautiful one. Call me a nervous father but it always seemed no matter what the occasion I would always think about my son while at work. Maybe it's because he's our only child and I am very over protective of him as is Maria. The day started as any working day. I dressed in a rush, skipped breakfast, kissed my wife and son goodbye, wished them a good day, told them I love them and headed off to meet Larry at our central meeting place to carpool though he always drives when I meet him. We were scheduled at 3 clients offices so I anticipated a very busy day. We arrived at the first client's office at about 10:00 am where my first order of business was to complete the bank reconciliations and prepare the quarterly payroll taxes. Everything was going smoothly as I quickly reconciled the 3 months of activity. I printed our copy and a copy for the client which I attached to each month's bank statement. Then I printed the necessary reports to prepare the payroll tax returns. After calculating the payroll and completing our excel spreadsheet I started preparing the returns. After completing both returns I made a copy and then gave the owner the mailing copies. As soon as I headed back to pack up my computer my cell phone rang. It was a call from Matthew's teacher.
I asked if everything was ok and she told me that Matthew had a seizure and was taken to Long Beach Hospital and that I should make plans to get there and that he was being observed by the medical staff and they would stay with him until Maria or I arrive. I asked if he fell or hurt himself as a result of the seizure and she said that he was holding her hand when it happened and they managed to keep him safe and immediately called 911 emergency. I was quite worried as he had a seizure previously and now it seemed he would be affected more by them and have to be prescribed depacote regularly to control them. Larry and the client arranged a car service to take me to the hospital where Matthew was being observed. I was very appreciative and they told me to take it easy and go see my son. I said thank you and headed down to the street to await my ride. I was feeling tense and not sure what to expect. I was worrying that this might happen and felt sad that Matthew has a seizure disorder. He's just a little kid and he has some struggles. My parents always told me that life offers many challenges and we must adapt and learn to meet every one and do our very best. My biggest challenge is getting the proper care for our son. I do not like the helpless feeling we as parents sometimes feel when we put all our faith and trust in others but really that is sometimes the only choice we have.
I tried to reach Maria to see if she was at the hospital or on her way. As I left a message for her my ride arrived and I greeted the driver and told him I needed a ride to Long Beach Hospital where my son was being observed. He was very friendly and told me not to worry and he'd have me there soon. I said thank you as I took my seat and tried to relax for the ride as I did not want to get stressed but felt very worried about my poor baby.
I remember when we went to Schneider's the last time they indicated that if he has another seizure then we would be wise to take him back there to be monitored over night. I was writing notes about Matthew's medical condition and his history and all the medications he's currently prescribed. I was wondering how Matthew was doing and hoping he is feeling ok. I was praying that he will come through this and will be fine. When your child is hospitalized it just seems so unsettling and your mind races and all you can do is worry about your child's safety and hope you find the right doctor to help them.
The driver came through for me and got me to the hospital in less than 45 minutes as promised and I asked how much I owed him and he said payment was arranged so I gave him $10 for his tip and said thank you and he wished me and my son good luck. I then proceeded to the main entrance to see where my son was. The staff administrator pointed me to emergency and I walked quickly finally arriving and asking the nurse at the nursing station where Matthew Iannielli was and she pointed a few doors down. As I arrived I saw Matthew lying on the bed sleeping and his teacher and assistant teacher standing by his side. I thanked them for staying with him and asked how he was. They said he was sleeping the whole time since the seizure and resting comfortably. I was so grateful for them being there comforting our son and I felt I was not alone. My wife arrived shortly thereafter and we were waiting for the doctor to confirm what could have happened. I walked over to my son by his bed and gently kissed him and hoped he would be ok as I had so much love in my heart for him and felt the need to protect him and comfort him and be the best dad I can be. My wife and I stood by his side as the doctor came to talk with us and he said they were working on the paperwork to have him transferred from Long Beach Hospital to Schneider's Childrens' Hospital. He also confirmed that Matthew had a grand mal seizure and was resting comfortably and he encouraged us to have him monitored and to consider having an MRI scan and that we should raise this with Matthew's doctor's at Schneider's. We were waiting for the ambulance to take Maria and our son and I planned to drive my wife's car to the hospital.
I was now preparing to meet with Matthew's team of doctor's at Schneider's and determine our next step. It all seemed so overwhelming and I thought back to my dad and all the strength he had during moments like these and I took a deep breath and gave myself a little encouragement as my dad would and headed over to Schneider's after learning that the ambulance had left to transport my wife and son.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The importance of friendship.
As I've grown into adulthood I tend to become a lot more reflective of my life and my family and realize how important lasting friendships are and I also now realize how important renewed friendships are as well. I have discussed the need for friends with my son who seems to have a whole different perspective on friends and social activities. Matthew does not go out of his way to forge friendships or to participate in activities. He generally has to be encouraged and usually rebels. He prefers to do things independently and prefers quiet time at home rather than noisy playtime with others.
I remember when I was a young boy attending parochial school at St. Theresa of Lisieux, "Little Flower" in the late 1960s, I was very shy and also preferred to be left alone but I did manage to make friends and I did enjoy participating in sports. I even remember having crushes on the cute girls in my class but did have trouble mustering the courage to talk with them. On one occasion I did actually talk to one of those cute girls, her name was Karen and I thought she was so sweet. I remember it clearly as I was talking to her as the nun, Sister Mary Rita was giving a lesson and she overheard me talking and walked in my direction and said "Young man! There will be no talking in my class!" and she proceeded to take a yardstick and clubbed me over the head with it. From that day on I was traumatized and never talked in class again and it took me a real long time to talk with girls again!
I have fond memories of the friends I made through the years and I find we are better people for the friendships we make. I enjoyed my childhood a lot because I had great friendships.
That is why I have stressed to my son how important it is to make good friends as we learn from each other and grow in the process.
When I was 11 years old I found it a difficult age because my family had moved from Brooklyn, NY where I was leaving all my good friends behind and I was sad about that. We moved to Bellmore, NY in Long Island. It is a beautiful place to grow up and I managed to make good friends as well. I went to 6th grade and had a very dedicated teacher, Mr. Single who I learned a lot from. My math teacher who left quite an impression on me was Mrs. Ward who I liked and she helped develop my interest. The first kids I became friends with in the neighborhood were brother and sister Richard and Tracy Kravitz who lived down the block from us.
Another great friend I made from the neighborhood was David Nemchin, a couple of years younger but a friend who I hung out with for many years until we lost touch. We would ride bikes and play baseball and we had some great times. One incident I will never forget was when I was racing him on my 10 speed and there was a lot of sand on the streets still from a very snowy winter. As I made the turn my tire skidded and I lost control flipping over the handle bars and landing with my arm extended. I wound up breaking my arm in two places. The radius and the ulna and spent months in a cast and had 2 surgeries. One to reconstruct my arm with metal plates and screws and the other to remove them. When my dad came to pick me up I was looking a bit green and literally waited at Lydia Hall hospital in Freeport, NY for hours before being seen and was I in great pain. I believe Lydia Hall is now a library. The one positive outcome I had from this was having cute girls take my notes. I believe one of the girls taking notes for me was Rhonda Kruman.
The first friend I made in my class room was Richard Schwartz, a very friendly kid who I liked immediately. He made me feel welcome. The next year was a transition as now I was moving on to Junior High School where I attended Grand Avenue. I also had fond memories there and some disappointments as well. I loved Math and remember having a great Math teacher who inspired me and made learning fun. Her name was Ms. Mixon and I thought she was great. Another teacher I remember fondly was my English teacher, Mrs Feintouch who challenged me to write and read the classics. I was a shy kid throughout my JHS days but did make some good friendships. One of my friends from back then was Gary Small who was a close friend. My biggest disappointment in JHS was getting cut from the baseball team as I really had hoped to play baseball. I managed to get over it and did well with my academics. Another experience I remember from my JHS days which was a very sad one as I remember it distinctly occurred in my Art class where Mr. Cristofel was giving a lesson and he had us standing at attention during a fire drill. We were assembling on line and I remember a girl from our class starting to convulse uncontrollably as she was having a grand mal seizure and she fell towards the ground hitting the drawing board ledge and then falling to the ground. She was carried out on a stretcher and rushed to the hospital. I felt very bad about it and remember when Mr. Cristofel conducted his class the following week after hearing from her family. He asembled us all together and had managed to find the courage to tell us that our fellow student and friend had passed away. I was devastated and remember crying for her. It was a very sad day.
When it was time to move on to HS I attended John F. Kennedy HS in Bellmore, NY. It felt good walking through the halls of the HS when I attended there knowing my dad, Edward D. Iannielli Jr. helped build it in the early 1960s when I was just a young kid. He was an amazing man having worked as an ironworker and helping to build schools, bridges, hospitals and skyscrapers.
I remember my best friend from Kennedy HS was someone I had tremendous respect for and someone I learned a lot from. His name, Sandy Nassau. I remember Sandy as a very intelligent and gifted individual who loved black and white photography and also loved to build things. I was quite impressed and enjoyed assisting him in his endeavors. His mom and dad and sister were very nice people too and they always made me feel welcome. Sandy would develop his pictures and I enjoyed hours with him watching him develop film in his darkroom that he built in his parents basement. He always had projects in the works and I was always asked to assist him. The most impressive thing I remember Sandy did was convert his parents basement into an apartment, drawing the floor plans and doing the carpentry and electrical work. Sandy was always driven and I am fortunate to call him a friend! I also remember when he also built his own pool table which was very sturdy and a lot of fun to play on.
I also had a group of friends who loved to play baseball and I enjoyed hanging with them. Of the group, my best friends were Martin Schindelheim, Steven Mirsky, Richard Schwartz, Mitch Cooper, David Aronow, David Meth, Ira Lipson and David Schneyman. We had some great times on the baseball field and also going to movies and the mall.
My bowling and Gene Michael (stick ball) friends were Charlie Summers, Mike Radvansky, Mike Alkin and Tommy Phingst.
A friend who I always asked math question of was Howard Kurpit, who looked upon the subject as a game. He had managed to pass a rigourous set of exams to become an actuary and worked near my mom's department when he first started out at Met Life. He has always been a good friend.
I was longing to participate on a sporting team in HS and remember being recruited by the track and cross country coach when I was on the lunch line. He challenged me to tryout for the team and I accepted his challenge which turned out to be a lifetime of great memories. Coach Al Berkowski was tremendous and gave me inspiration and was tough on all his runners but in a very positive way helping to build character and self respect. I made friends with several guys on the team and a girl who I thought was special. Her name, Barbara Davis who was a tremendous athlete and was inspiring and a girl I enjoyed being friends with. She helped bring me out of my shell and she was a great friend. I also enjoyed running with fellow teammates, Teddy Canova, Kenny Eisenband, Paul Welsher, Roger Luchan, Scott Carlin, David Kurzweil, Scott Blafeux, Mark Solder, Andy Banks and Glenn Wolin. The one runner I looked up to as he was the elite member of the team and very competitive was Ira Meyers. I understand he still runs today running in Marathons.
A friend I miss very much who was very much a part of our baseball group was Scott Leventhal. I always liked Scott and thought he had such great potential as a student. He wanted to study drama at Albany having earned a scholarship. He was driving up with his mom to visit the campus and it happened to be a rainy night and from what I understand he lost control of the car after broadsiding a truck attempting to change lanes and flipped over. He was killed instantly and his mom managed to walk away. It was so sad attending his funeral and shiva and we were never the same after losing our friend Scott.
I also remember some of the girls in my class who I liked but did not really get to know. That is until our 30 year HS reunion.
I was deeply touched by a fellow classmate, Janet Rose Schenkel who made the trip with her husband from Tennessee and we had been communicating on Facebook before as I was going through a very difficult time after losing my dad. I felt very sad and she reached out to me and made me feel a little bit better. When I saw her I had to make my way to say Hi and as I did she saw me and she said she was waiting to see me so she could give me a tight hug. She really made my day and I felt priveledged meeting her and her husband, a lovely couple with lovely children. I also had the opportunity to meet another nice fellow classmate, Beth Karrass who made the trip from California. We made some small talk as my shyness came back but it was great seeing them as it brought back such great memories. It was great talking to Charlie Summers about fatherhood as he and his wife are proud parents of a cute little baby boy. Charlie still looks the same! We also received advice from Janet in that we should treasure our children as baby in Charlie's case and young child in my case because they grow up so fast and Janet says you miss that part of your life. I understand what she is saying because I feel Matthew's infancy and toddler years flew by. It just amazes me how fast the time flies.
Another girl I met who was in my graduating class who I became friends with on Facebook and was so happy to meet and talk with was Bari Lewis who is sweet and has a beautiful family too and helped me during a difficult time.
I also met some of my baseball friends, Martin Schindelheim who recently came to my Dad's wake. He is truly special and a great friend. My other friends I met that night were Jerry Fortinsky, Adam Lighter, David Meth, Ira Lipson, Dino Currao, Teddy Canova, Barbara Davis, Ronald Kopp, Charlie Summers, Sandy Nassau, Roger Luchan, Natalie Schwartz and Howard Kurpit.
Dino Currao who I met for the first time at the reunion was so nice to me that I felt I known him all my life and Teddy Canova and Barbara Davis were my teammates and it seemed we ran together like it was yesterday!
It was a fun night and one I will never forget. Thank you Janet for that hug! You made my day! I wished I could have introduced you to my beautiful wife and son.
So these are the reasons friendships are so important and I will work with my son to help him as he deserves to have friends like I do!
I remember when I was a young boy attending parochial school at St. Theresa of Lisieux, "Little Flower" in the late 1960s, I was very shy and also preferred to be left alone but I did manage to make friends and I did enjoy participating in sports. I even remember having crushes on the cute girls in my class but did have trouble mustering the courage to talk with them. On one occasion I did actually talk to one of those cute girls, her name was Karen and I thought she was so sweet. I remember it clearly as I was talking to her as the nun, Sister Mary Rita was giving a lesson and she overheard me talking and walked in my direction and said "Young man! There will be no talking in my class!" and she proceeded to take a yardstick and clubbed me over the head with it. From that day on I was traumatized and never talked in class again and it took me a real long time to talk with girls again!
I have fond memories of the friends I made through the years and I find we are better people for the friendships we make. I enjoyed my childhood a lot because I had great friendships.
That is why I have stressed to my son how important it is to make good friends as we learn from each other and grow in the process.
When I was 11 years old I found it a difficult age because my family had moved from Brooklyn, NY where I was leaving all my good friends behind and I was sad about that. We moved to Bellmore, NY in Long Island. It is a beautiful place to grow up and I managed to make good friends as well. I went to 6th grade and had a very dedicated teacher, Mr. Single who I learned a lot from. My math teacher who left quite an impression on me was Mrs. Ward who I liked and she helped develop my interest. The first kids I became friends with in the neighborhood were brother and sister Richard and Tracy Kravitz who lived down the block from us.
Another great friend I made from the neighborhood was David Nemchin, a couple of years younger but a friend who I hung out with for many years until we lost touch. We would ride bikes and play baseball and we had some great times. One incident I will never forget was when I was racing him on my 10 speed and there was a lot of sand on the streets still from a very snowy winter. As I made the turn my tire skidded and I lost control flipping over the handle bars and landing with my arm extended. I wound up breaking my arm in two places. The radius and the ulna and spent months in a cast and had 2 surgeries. One to reconstruct my arm with metal plates and screws and the other to remove them. When my dad came to pick me up I was looking a bit green and literally waited at Lydia Hall hospital in Freeport, NY for hours before being seen and was I in great pain. I believe Lydia Hall is now a library. The one positive outcome I had from this was having cute girls take my notes. I believe one of the girls taking notes for me was Rhonda Kruman.
The first friend I made in my class room was Richard Schwartz, a very friendly kid who I liked immediately. He made me feel welcome. The next year was a transition as now I was moving on to Junior High School where I attended Grand Avenue. I also had fond memories there and some disappointments as well. I loved Math and remember having a great Math teacher who inspired me and made learning fun. Her name was Ms. Mixon and I thought she was great. Another teacher I remember fondly was my English teacher, Mrs Feintouch who challenged me to write and read the classics. I was a shy kid throughout my JHS days but did make some good friendships. One of my friends from back then was Gary Small who was a close friend. My biggest disappointment in JHS was getting cut from the baseball team as I really had hoped to play baseball. I managed to get over it and did well with my academics. Another experience I remember from my JHS days which was a very sad one as I remember it distinctly occurred in my Art class where Mr. Cristofel was giving a lesson and he had us standing at attention during a fire drill. We were assembling on line and I remember a girl from our class starting to convulse uncontrollably as she was having a grand mal seizure and she fell towards the ground hitting the drawing board ledge and then falling to the ground. She was carried out on a stretcher and rushed to the hospital. I felt very bad about it and remember when Mr. Cristofel conducted his class the following week after hearing from her family. He asembled us all together and had managed to find the courage to tell us that our fellow student and friend had passed away. I was devastated and remember crying for her. It was a very sad day.
When it was time to move on to HS I attended John F. Kennedy HS in Bellmore, NY. It felt good walking through the halls of the HS when I attended there knowing my dad, Edward D. Iannielli Jr. helped build it in the early 1960s when I was just a young kid. He was an amazing man having worked as an ironworker and helping to build schools, bridges, hospitals and skyscrapers.
I remember my best friend from Kennedy HS was someone I had tremendous respect for and someone I learned a lot from. His name, Sandy Nassau. I remember Sandy as a very intelligent and gifted individual who loved black and white photography and also loved to build things. I was quite impressed and enjoyed assisting him in his endeavors. His mom and dad and sister were very nice people too and they always made me feel welcome. Sandy would develop his pictures and I enjoyed hours with him watching him develop film in his darkroom that he built in his parents basement. He always had projects in the works and I was always asked to assist him. The most impressive thing I remember Sandy did was convert his parents basement into an apartment, drawing the floor plans and doing the carpentry and electrical work. Sandy was always driven and I am fortunate to call him a friend! I also remember when he also built his own pool table which was very sturdy and a lot of fun to play on.
I also had a group of friends who loved to play baseball and I enjoyed hanging with them. Of the group, my best friends were Martin Schindelheim, Steven Mirsky, Richard Schwartz, Mitch Cooper, David Aronow, David Meth, Ira Lipson and David Schneyman. We had some great times on the baseball field and also going to movies and the mall.
My bowling and Gene Michael (stick ball) friends were Charlie Summers, Mike Radvansky, Mike Alkin and Tommy Phingst.
A friend who I always asked math question of was Howard Kurpit, who looked upon the subject as a game. He had managed to pass a rigourous set of exams to become an actuary and worked near my mom's department when he first started out at Met Life. He has always been a good friend.
I was longing to participate on a sporting team in HS and remember being recruited by the track and cross country coach when I was on the lunch line. He challenged me to tryout for the team and I accepted his challenge which turned out to be a lifetime of great memories. Coach Al Berkowski was tremendous and gave me inspiration and was tough on all his runners but in a very positive way helping to build character and self respect. I made friends with several guys on the team and a girl who I thought was special. Her name, Barbara Davis who was a tremendous athlete and was inspiring and a girl I enjoyed being friends with. She helped bring me out of my shell and she was a great friend. I also enjoyed running with fellow teammates, Teddy Canova, Kenny Eisenband, Paul Welsher, Roger Luchan, Scott Carlin, David Kurzweil, Scott Blafeux, Mark Solder, Andy Banks and Glenn Wolin. The one runner I looked up to as he was the elite member of the team and very competitive was Ira Meyers. I understand he still runs today running in Marathons.
A friend I miss very much who was very much a part of our baseball group was Scott Leventhal. I always liked Scott and thought he had such great potential as a student. He wanted to study drama at Albany having earned a scholarship. He was driving up with his mom to visit the campus and it happened to be a rainy night and from what I understand he lost control of the car after broadsiding a truck attempting to change lanes and flipped over. He was killed instantly and his mom managed to walk away. It was so sad attending his funeral and shiva and we were never the same after losing our friend Scott.
I also remember some of the girls in my class who I liked but did not really get to know. That is until our 30 year HS reunion.
I was deeply touched by a fellow classmate, Janet Rose Schenkel who made the trip with her husband from Tennessee and we had been communicating on Facebook before as I was going through a very difficult time after losing my dad. I felt very sad and she reached out to me and made me feel a little bit better. When I saw her I had to make my way to say Hi and as I did she saw me and she said she was waiting to see me so she could give me a tight hug. She really made my day and I felt priveledged meeting her and her husband, a lovely couple with lovely children. I also had the opportunity to meet another nice fellow classmate, Beth Karrass who made the trip from California. We made some small talk as my shyness came back but it was great seeing them as it brought back such great memories. It was great talking to Charlie Summers about fatherhood as he and his wife are proud parents of a cute little baby boy. Charlie still looks the same! We also received advice from Janet in that we should treasure our children as baby in Charlie's case and young child in my case because they grow up so fast and Janet says you miss that part of your life. I understand what she is saying because I feel Matthew's infancy and toddler years flew by. It just amazes me how fast the time flies.
Another girl I met who was in my graduating class who I became friends with on Facebook and was so happy to meet and talk with was Bari Lewis who is sweet and has a beautiful family too and helped me during a difficult time.
I also met some of my baseball friends, Martin Schindelheim who recently came to my Dad's wake. He is truly special and a great friend. My other friends I met that night were Jerry Fortinsky, Adam Lighter, David Meth, Ira Lipson, Dino Currao, Teddy Canova, Barbara Davis, Ronald Kopp, Charlie Summers, Sandy Nassau, Roger Luchan, Natalie Schwartz and Howard Kurpit.
Dino Currao who I met for the first time at the reunion was so nice to me that I felt I known him all my life and Teddy Canova and Barbara Davis were my teammates and it seemed we ran together like it was yesterday!
It was a fun night and one I will never forget. Thank you Janet for that hug! You made my day! I wished I could have introduced you to my beautiful wife and son.
So these are the reasons friendships are so important and I will work with my son to help him as he deserves to have friends like I do!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Having a special needs child.
Matthew is such a wonderful child and he makes us realize what the true meaning of family means. He has a quiet innocence and simple things make him happy. I speak from my heart and beam with pride when I talk of our son. I grew up in a family where I had 2 loving parents and 2 sisters I viewed as special in my life and we were loved and nurtured and encouraged so I know how important it is to do the same for our son. I am touched by the things my son does and the kindness he has in his heart. I learned Matthew was special right from the beginning and I have learned so much from him. He is an inspiration and he gives us hope.
I have seen the compassion my son shows to others and very much touched by it. Ever since he was a little boy he has displayed empathy towards other young children. On many occasions when we were out at the mall or supermarket or playground if Matthew saw a crying child or baby his immediate reaction was to comfort them and would tell them that it was ok and everything will be alright. He is such a caring child and he always tells me that when he grows up he wants to be a superhero. He wants to make all the hurt go away. He wants to comfort and help the needy and he wants to make our world a better place to live.
Such noble goals for such a young child. Matthew always seems years ahead of his actual age in how he reads and talks. People seem surprised that he is diagnosed as autistic because their first impression of him is that he is very mature for his age and he is very bright. I agree with their assessment but realize there are certain aspects of Matthew that are lacking and that do affect him and contribute to the difficulties he encounters.
In observing my son I realize he does not really understand the concept of how you should conduct yourself in social situations and the ideas of boundaries. It is important to be wary of others to some degree and not to be so trusting. Children are innocent and very impressionable and they need to be protected and shielded.
Given the concerns of society today it is very important that children are taught to be careful and to not be so easily led and trusting as they need to be skeptical and leary of people they don't know.
Another concern is developing good eating habits and having proper nutrition. Our son is a very fussy eater and barely finishes his food. When I was a young child my mom would always make a home cooked meal and we would eat everything on our plate. Maria has grown very frustrated because our son does not eat homecooked meals at all and she has tried many many times and has even asked her mom to try and help and she has encountered the same difficulty. Matthew's limited likes are pizza, chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese and Mc Donald's pancakes. Our dinner hour is not anything like when I was a kid. We seem to have to please our son rather than having a sheduled meal. His choice for a meal seems to be spontaneous and must meet his approval. It is not the right situation and we are trying to introduce healthier foods to him. We are encouraged in that he does like various fruits like pineapple, mango and apples. My wife will make him a nice bowl of fruit after he has his dinner of choice. I also see that he does have some strange eating habits. When he eats his chicken nuggets he only eats around the edges and only likes the breading never really eating the nugget at all. The same thing with french fries, he only eats the end of the fries leaving the middle on his plate. We spoke to his doctor about it and we know that the medications he takes does lead to diminished appetite but our hands are tied because if he does not stay on the medication it could lead to worse problems.
Matthew also does not like to sleep and it is a constant struggle trying to get him to bed at a reasonable hour. We have to literally fight to get him to go to bed. I have researched how to reason with your child and my wife is more the disciplanarian than I but we both know we need to make our son know the importance of a good night sleep. We see it when he wakes up if he has had a late night. He is tired and it is hard getting him going. When we try to get him to sleep his typical response is that sleeping is boring and he wants to stay up. I personally do not understand why he fights sleeping so much and tried to find out possibly if he fears sleeping in some way. It is a battle at times but we realize our son has to know proper habits and has to follow a schedule and stick to it.
Raising a special needs child has its challenges but the rewards are so much more satisfying and when you connect with your child and see that they are happy and making progress than all the struggles certainly are worthwhile if it leads to seeing your child develop and mature and make the advances they need to succeed. The bottom line is that we will do our very best to bring out the best in our child and we also rely on others along the way.
I have seen the compassion my son shows to others and very much touched by it. Ever since he was a little boy he has displayed empathy towards other young children. On many occasions when we were out at the mall or supermarket or playground if Matthew saw a crying child or baby his immediate reaction was to comfort them and would tell them that it was ok and everything will be alright. He is such a caring child and he always tells me that when he grows up he wants to be a superhero. He wants to make all the hurt go away. He wants to comfort and help the needy and he wants to make our world a better place to live.
Such noble goals for such a young child. Matthew always seems years ahead of his actual age in how he reads and talks. People seem surprised that he is diagnosed as autistic because their first impression of him is that he is very mature for his age and he is very bright. I agree with their assessment but realize there are certain aspects of Matthew that are lacking and that do affect him and contribute to the difficulties he encounters.
In observing my son I realize he does not really understand the concept of how you should conduct yourself in social situations and the ideas of boundaries. It is important to be wary of others to some degree and not to be so trusting. Children are innocent and very impressionable and they need to be protected and shielded.
Given the concerns of society today it is very important that children are taught to be careful and to not be so easily led and trusting as they need to be skeptical and leary of people they don't know.
Another concern is developing good eating habits and having proper nutrition. Our son is a very fussy eater and barely finishes his food. When I was a young child my mom would always make a home cooked meal and we would eat everything on our plate. Maria has grown very frustrated because our son does not eat homecooked meals at all and she has tried many many times and has even asked her mom to try and help and she has encountered the same difficulty. Matthew's limited likes are pizza, chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese and Mc Donald's pancakes. Our dinner hour is not anything like when I was a kid. We seem to have to please our son rather than having a sheduled meal. His choice for a meal seems to be spontaneous and must meet his approval. It is not the right situation and we are trying to introduce healthier foods to him. We are encouraged in that he does like various fruits like pineapple, mango and apples. My wife will make him a nice bowl of fruit after he has his dinner of choice. I also see that he does have some strange eating habits. When he eats his chicken nuggets he only eats around the edges and only likes the breading never really eating the nugget at all. The same thing with french fries, he only eats the end of the fries leaving the middle on his plate. We spoke to his doctor about it and we know that the medications he takes does lead to diminished appetite but our hands are tied because if he does not stay on the medication it could lead to worse problems.
Matthew also does not like to sleep and it is a constant struggle trying to get him to bed at a reasonable hour. We have to literally fight to get him to go to bed. I have researched how to reason with your child and my wife is more the disciplanarian than I but we both know we need to make our son know the importance of a good night sleep. We see it when he wakes up if he has had a late night. He is tired and it is hard getting him going. When we try to get him to sleep his typical response is that sleeping is boring and he wants to stay up. I personally do not understand why he fights sleeping so much and tried to find out possibly if he fears sleeping in some way. It is a battle at times but we realize our son has to know proper habits and has to follow a schedule and stick to it.
Raising a special needs child has its challenges but the rewards are so much more satisfying and when you connect with your child and see that they are happy and making progress than all the struggles certainly are worthwhile if it leads to seeing your child develop and mature and make the advances they need to succeed. The bottom line is that we will do our very best to bring out the best in our child and we also rely on others along the way.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Arrival at resort for our honeymoon.
We had been so happy that our wedding went well and everyone involved made our special day very memorable and we were so very grateful for their hard work. We had a great turnout and everyone seemed to have a fun time. All our guests were very kind and very generous. The day seemed to go by so quickly and it seemed a bit surreal at times. We were now looking forward to our stay at Disney World for the week where we planned to attend the major parks and stay at the Swan and Dolphin Hotel. My best friend and best man Jeffrey Saper was driving us to the airport at La Guardia and our flight was scheduled for takeoff at 1:30 pm. We were looking forward to the trip and felt relieved that our wedding was now behind us and we were also looking forward to the birth of our son in December which was 3 months away.
Maria was doing well with her pregnancy and she was taking her prenatal vitamins and eating healthy. We knew that she had to be careful with the heat and also with which rides she could go on since she was 6 months pregnant. I promised her that I would stay with her and not venture on any rides she would not be able to go on as a result of her pregnancy. I was hoping the days would be on the cool side.
I've been to Disney World twice already having gone their in my early adulthood once with my friend Jeff and another time with my friend Eugene Keller. Now I was very excited to go with my wife and I was certain she would enjoy it even though she could not go on many of the rides.
Jeff accompanied us for lunch at the airport before we headed for the gate and we were appreciative that he drove us and stayed for a little while and helped us with our luggage. We stopped at the burger king and we talked a bit about our plans in Florida and about the ceremony and reception. We also thanked him for being my best man. As the time drew closer for boarding we had to now part ways and we both embraced him and thanked him for everything and promised him we would show him all our pictures we anticipated taking when we get back home. We now headed for the gate where we waited about 15 minutes before presenting our boarding passes. We were now on the plane and very much looking forward to our flight which was estimated at near 2 hours. We would land at Orlando International Airport and then be bussed to our hotel unless we decided to rent a car and drive there. I very rarely flew so it was a unique experience for me but Maria has flown from the Philippines which is at least a full day of flying. I would find it very difficult flying anywhere past 5-6 hours which is approximately the time to fly out to California.
As we were preparing for takeoff the stewardess was showing us the necessary preparation for using the oxygen compartment in the event of an emergency. I was listening as I was browsing through a magazine I picked up at the stationery at the airport. There was a movie to watch for our flight. Maria brought a book to read and I was planning to watch the movie. As we were settling in the pilot announced over the intercom the weather here for the flight which was sunny and mild and the weather in Orlando which was a balmy 88 degrees. He indicated that we would be taxiing for takeoff shortly and would be instructed when to fasten our belts. The stewardess came by and indicated we should fasten our belts now and the pilot indicated that we were now ready for takeoff. The plane started to taxi to the runway and prepared for our flight. As we picked up speed I was starting to feel a little tense but would try to relax and enjoy the flight. Maria seemed calm as she was used to flying. We were now at that point right before being airborne then all of a sudden we were in the air and flying upwards which felt pretty cool. I was peeking out the window to see the view as we were flying higher. The stewardess was making her way up the aisle asking the passengers what they would like to drink. I was a bit thirsty and looking forward to a cranberry juice. Maria was enjoying her book and also looking forward to a ginger ale. I was watching a movie and resting also. The flight was enjoyable and smooth the way I like it. The stewardess was really nice as she gave us our drinks and a bag of peanuts. I could not wait to arrive at the resort as I heard so many nice things about it. We were in the air for about an hour and expecting 1 more hour in the air. I was certain when we arrived we would rest at the hotel and go out for a nice dinner and I knew Maria was a bit tired as well.
I enjoyed looking out the window on occasion and catching parts of the movie as well. Maria was also watching parts of the movie and catching naps and reading her book. We were informed that we would be landing at Orlando in about 15 minutes.
I turned to my wife to ask how she was doing and what we should do after we arrive at the hotel. She said that we should relax before we go out.
We were readying to land and it always is a good feeling when you get through the flight and arrive safely. As we landed you could feel the speed of the plane diminishing as it was slowing down on the runway moving for a distance and finally coming to a stop as the pilot says we are now in Orlando and thanking us for flying and to enjoy our stay. We were so happy to finally be here in sunny Florida enjoying being a couple and looking forward to our stay here. We removed our carry on luggage and headed for the exit as we slowly moved through the aisle finally ariving to thank the pilot and the stewardesses and the crew. We were finally here and headed for the area where our luggage would be sent.
Once we picked up our luggage we headed for the shuttle that transports guests to the hotel. We were looking forward to getting to our room so we could get some relaxation time and enjoy the Florida experience. We were looking forward to seeing Micky and all the Disney characters. The ride from the airport to the hotel was approximately 20 minutes. As we boarded the shuttle we were excited about arriving at the hotel and finally getting to spend some time together and relax for a full week.
Maria was doing well with her pregnancy and she was taking her prenatal vitamins and eating healthy. We knew that she had to be careful with the heat and also with which rides she could go on since she was 6 months pregnant. I promised her that I would stay with her and not venture on any rides she would not be able to go on as a result of her pregnancy. I was hoping the days would be on the cool side.
I've been to Disney World twice already having gone their in my early adulthood once with my friend Jeff and another time with my friend Eugene Keller. Now I was very excited to go with my wife and I was certain she would enjoy it even though she could not go on many of the rides.
Jeff accompanied us for lunch at the airport before we headed for the gate and we were appreciative that he drove us and stayed for a little while and helped us with our luggage. We stopped at the burger king and we talked a bit about our plans in Florida and about the ceremony and reception. We also thanked him for being my best man. As the time drew closer for boarding we had to now part ways and we both embraced him and thanked him for everything and promised him we would show him all our pictures we anticipated taking when we get back home. We now headed for the gate where we waited about 15 minutes before presenting our boarding passes. We were now on the plane and very much looking forward to our flight which was estimated at near 2 hours. We would land at Orlando International Airport and then be bussed to our hotel unless we decided to rent a car and drive there. I very rarely flew so it was a unique experience for me but Maria has flown from the Philippines which is at least a full day of flying. I would find it very difficult flying anywhere past 5-6 hours which is approximately the time to fly out to California.
As we were preparing for takeoff the stewardess was showing us the necessary preparation for using the oxygen compartment in the event of an emergency. I was listening as I was browsing through a magazine I picked up at the stationery at the airport. There was a movie to watch for our flight. Maria brought a book to read and I was planning to watch the movie. As we were settling in the pilot announced over the intercom the weather here for the flight which was sunny and mild and the weather in Orlando which was a balmy 88 degrees. He indicated that we would be taxiing for takeoff shortly and would be instructed when to fasten our belts. The stewardess came by and indicated we should fasten our belts now and the pilot indicated that we were now ready for takeoff. The plane started to taxi to the runway and prepared for our flight. As we picked up speed I was starting to feel a little tense but would try to relax and enjoy the flight. Maria seemed calm as she was used to flying. We were now at that point right before being airborne then all of a sudden we were in the air and flying upwards which felt pretty cool. I was peeking out the window to see the view as we were flying higher. The stewardess was making her way up the aisle asking the passengers what they would like to drink. I was a bit thirsty and looking forward to a cranberry juice. Maria was enjoying her book and also looking forward to a ginger ale. I was watching a movie and resting also. The flight was enjoyable and smooth the way I like it. The stewardess was really nice as she gave us our drinks and a bag of peanuts. I could not wait to arrive at the resort as I heard so many nice things about it. We were in the air for about an hour and expecting 1 more hour in the air. I was certain when we arrived we would rest at the hotel and go out for a nice dinner and I knew Maria was a bit tired as well.
I enjoyed looking out the window on occasion and catching parts of the movie as well. Maria was also watching parts of the movie and catching naps and reading her book. We were informed that we would be landing at Orlando in about 15 minutes.
I turned to my wife to ask how she was doing and what we should do after we arrive at the hotel. She said that we should relax before we go out.
We were readying to land and it always is a good feeling when you get through the flight and arrive safely. As we landed you could feel the speed of the plane diminishing as it was slowing down on the runway moving for a distance and finally coming to a stop as the pilot says we are now in Orlando and thanking us for flying and to enjoy our stay. We were so happy to finally be here in sunny Florida enjoying being a couple and looking forward to our stay here. We removed our carry on luggage and headed for the exit as we slowly moved through the aisle finally ariving to thank the pilot and the stewardesses and the crew. We were finally here and headed for the area where our luggage would be sent.
Once we picked up our luggage we headed for the shuttle that transports guests to the hotel. We were looking forward to getting to our room so we could get some relaxation time and enjoy the Florida experience. We were looking forward to seeing Micky and all the Disney characters. The ride from the airport to the hotel was approximately 20 minutes. As we boarded the shuttle we were excited about arriving at the hotel and finally getting to spend some time together and relax for a full week.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Our wedding reception
As the church service concluded we lined up outside the doorway into the main entrance area and graciously greeted our guests as they walked by and we felt such warmth and sincerity and were honored to see them all. It was tremendous how many people came and we felt very happy and relieved that we were able to have such a wonderful wedding ceremony. Everyone was great and the kids were so natural and so cute. Now it was time to pose for pictures outside the church. We couldn't ask for a better day. We had such beautiful sunny weather with clear blue skys and a very mild temperature. The photographers arranged a group shot with all the wedding party standing around Maria and I and all the flower girls and ring bearer standing in front of us on the steps of the church. It was such a great moment and would make a truly wonderful picture. Weddings are such joyous occasions and just being surrounded by so many family members and friends makes it all so special.
Maria and I knew we were expecting our son in December of this year so we were anticipating such good things ahead of us and were just so grateful. Maria was fortunate that she was able to conceal the pregnant look under her gown with a slightly larger gown and no one even asked or knew except close family members.
As the photographers wrapped up the photos at the church we were ready to head out in the limo to head for the reception in Oceanside but planned a stop at the Coral House by Milburn Lake in Baldwin to take some nice wedding photos outside. They posed Maria and I and the bridal party in some really nice poses right by the lake. They took lots of pictures using several roles of film and we were there for almost a half hour to three quarters of an hour. Now I figure my wife being at the center of attention as the beautiful bride had some perspective as to what it must be like to be a woman model. As we finished the photo session we headed for the reception to take more photos at the reception hall.
I was curious what our guests would say when they saw what was sitting on their seats in the main dining room. I remember when I was at the mall I got the idea and thought it would make a nice little complimentary gift in addition to our wedding favors. I must had cleaned out the store as I bought all different combinations of beanie babies which were pretty popular and for sure I knew the kids would love them and they were very cute.
The guests were still enjoying the cocktail hour as Maria and I were taking family pictures. In the photo session I made a special request to have a picture taken with a girl I became friends with on a group Contiki tour where we travelled throughout the countryside of the United Kingdom travelling in England, Scotland and Wales in the summer of 1997. Her name was Julianne Schumacher from Buffalo Grove, Illinois and I was delighted that she came to our wedding. I thought it was very kind of her as she made the trip from near Chicago, Illinois. It was all so innocent as I sent her a complimentary invitation not really expecting her to come. She really gave me a pleasant surprise when she accepted to come. Another friend who lived locally who I also became friends with on the tour, Robert Findaro accomodated her and drove her to the reception. He was the one who actually placed an ad in the local church bulletin looking for a travel mate for the tour and I was fortunate to reply. As a result I experienced a wonderful trip, making great friendships and this was proof of that. Julianne posed with Maria and I also and we were grateful that she was here to celebrate with us.
The cocktail hour was coming to a close as we were wrapping up with the photo session as well. The main dining room was now ready for the guests as they started to head for their assigned tables. The bridal party was instructed to line up outside the entrance way to be announced into the reception area to the applause of our guests. It was exciting and we waited for all in front of us to enter before we were called in to make our entrance for the first time as Mr. and Mrs. Iannielli. I believe they had the theme to Rocky playing as we were announced into the reception and we entered gracefully and were very overwhelmed with all the guests applause. As the DJ called for our first dance we lined up in the center and held each other tight as we danced to our favorite Shania Twain song "From this moment on" and I had tears in my eyes and I looked over to my dad and my sisters and towards heaven for my mom's approval. It was a very emotional time for me and I was caught up in the moment. I looked at Maria and I just felt so blessed to have her in my life and thinking about our soon to be born son.
As the song played we danced slowly and in step with the music as the DJ asked all to get up on the dance floor and join with us. It was very special.
As the ceremony proceeded it seemed like a dream at times and then friends would come up to Maria and I and talk and give us gifts and say how nice the service was and how nice a couple we are. The time seemed to go by so fast and we were enjoying the celebration and the company. My best man performed a nice tribute toast and the girls all looked so beautiful in their dresses. The staff started taking our orders as they brought out salads and pasta to all the guests. We were seated at the elevated dais with special bride and groom chairs. I ordered the chicken while Maria ordered salmon. We enjoyed the pasta and salad.
The guests all liked the beanie babies as it was a hit and as I suspected the kids loved them. I was going on a hunch and it was right. As the guests finished the 1st course the main course was being brought out to the tables.
At times I needed to just walk around and check in with family and friends and thank them for coming and ask how everything was going. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and were busy eating.
We posed for pictures for special requests from our guests and felt flattered. The DJ was doing a fine job as were the photographers and the hostesses. It was all going well and we were out on the dance floor with our guests on several occasions dancing to all types of music and all types of dances. The electric slide and the chicken dance were popular with the guests as was the limbo.
Now it was time for Maria and I to cut the wedding cake and do the act along with the DJ's coaching in feeding one another which got laughs from our guests.
Everyone was invited up to the dance floor while the staff brought out the cake to all the guests. I was a bit tired so I just sat at our table and requested a glass of milk to go with my cake. It was delicious. Maria was on the dance floor with all the girls having a wonderful time. It seemed like we were here for just an hour but it was nearing the end as we were approaching the 5 hour mark. We really enjoyed ourselves and everyone was out there dancing and having a good time. I couldn't wait to take off my tux as I felt Maria would probabaly want to stay in her gown the whole day as I feel it is every girl's wish to be the beautiful bride.
As the wedding ceremony was wrapping up and the guests were saying their good byes we were preparing for making final payment for the event and we were very pleased. I also wanted to make sure I tipped the staff properly. It was a beautiful day as we now prepared for gathering all our gifts and saying our good byes and embracing everyone and thanking them for coming.
Now we were ready to head home and prepare for our trip to Florida in the morning. We had a wonderful day and everyone was perfect especially my beautiful wife.
Maria and I knew we were expecting our son in December of this year so we were anticipating such good things ahead of us and were just so grateful. Maria was fortunate that she was able to conceal the pregnant look under her gown with a slightly larger gown and no one even asked or knew except close family members.
As the photographers wrapped up the photos at the church we were ready to head out in the limo to head for the reception in Oceanside but planned a stop at the Coral House by Milburn Lake in Baldwin to take some nice wedding photos outside. They posed Maria and I and the bridal party in some really nice poses right by the lake. They took lots of pictures using several roles of film and we were there for almost a half hour to three quarters of an hour. Now I figure my wife being at the center of attention as the beautiful bride had some perspective as to what it must be like to be a woman model. As we finished the photo session we headed for the reception to take more photos at the reception hall.
I was curious what our guests would say when they saw what was sitting on their seats in the main dining room. I remember when I was at the mall I got the idea and thought it would make a nice little complimentary gift in addition to our wedding favors. I must had cleaned out the store as I bought all different combinations of beanie babies which were pretty popular and for sure I knew the kids would love them and they were very cute.
The guests were still enjoying the cocktail hour as Maria and I were taking family pictures. In the photo session I made a special request to have a picture taken with a girl I became friends with on a group Contiki tour where we travelled throughout the countryside of the United Kingdom travelling in England, Scotland and Wales in the summer of 1997. Her name was Julianne Schumacher from Buffalo Grove, Illinois and I was delighted that she came to our wedding. I thought it was very kind of her as she made the trip from near Chicago, Illinois. It was all so innocent as I sent her a complimentary invitation not really expecting her to come. She really gave me a pleasant surprise when she accepted to come. Another friend who lived locally who I also became friends with on the tour, Robert Findaro accomodated her and drove her to the reception. He was the one who actually placed an ad in the local church bulletin looking for a travel mate for the tour and I was fortunate to reply. As a result I experienced a wonderful trip, making great friendships and this was proof of that. Julianne posed with Maria and I also and we were grateful that she was here to celebrate with us.
The cocktail hour was coming to a close as we were wrapping up with the photo session as well. The main dining room was now ready for the guests as they started to head for their assigned tables. The bridal party was instructed to line up outside the entrance way to be announced into the reception area to the applause of our guests. It was exciting and we waited for all in front of us to enter before we were called in to make our entrance for the first time as Mr. and Mrs. Iannielli. I believe they had the theme to Rocky playing as we were announced into the reception and we entered gracefully and were very overwhelmed with all the guests applause. As the DJ called for our first dance we lined up in the center and held each other tight as we danced to our favorite Shania Twain song "From this moment on" and I had tears in my eyes and I looked over to my dad and my sisters and towards heaven for my mom's approval. It was a very emotional time for me and I was caught up in the moment. I looked at Maria and I just felt so blessed to have her in my life and thinking about our soon to be born son.
As the song played we danced slowly and in step with the music as the DJ asked all to get up on the dance floor and join with us. It was very special.
As the ceremony proceeded it seemed like a dream at times and then friends would come up to Maria and I and talk and give us gifts and say how nice the service was and how nice a couple we are. The time seemed to go by so fast and we were enjoying the celebration and the company. My best man performed a nice tribute toast and the girls all looked so beautiful in their dresses. The staff started taking our orders as they brought out salads and pasta to all the guests. We were seated at the elevated dais with special bride and groom chairs. I ordered the chicken while Maria ordered salmon. We enjoyed the pasta and salad.
The guests all liked the beanie babies as it was a hit and as I suspected the kids loved them. I was going on a hunch and it was right. As the guests finished the 1st course the main course was being brought out to the tables.
At times I needed to just walk around and check in with family and friends and thank them for coming and ask how everything was going. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and were busy eating.
We posed for pictures for special requests from our guests and felt flattered. The DJ was doing a fine job as were the photographers and the hostesses. It was all going well and we were out on the dance floor with our guests on several occasions dancing to all types of music and all types of dances. The electric slide and the chicken dance were popular with the guests as was the limbo.
Now it was time for Maria and I to cut the wedding cake and do the act along with the DJ's coaching in feeding one another which got laughs from our guests.
Everyone was invited up to the dance floor while the staff brought out the cake to all the guests. I was a bit tired so I just sat at our table and requested a glass of milk to go with my cake. It was delicious. Maria was on the dance floor with all the girls having a wonderful time. It seemed like we were here for just an hour but it was nearing the end as we were approaching the 5 hour mark. We really enjoyed ourselves and everyone was out there dancing and having a good time. I couldn't wait to take off my tux as I felt Maria would probabaly want to stay in her gown the whole day as I feel it is every girl's wish to be the beautiful bride.
As the wedding ceremony was wrapping up and the guests were saying their good byes we were preparing for making final payment for the event and we were very pleased. I also wanted to make sure I tipped the staff properly. It was a beautiful day as we now prepared for gathering all our gifts and saying our good byes and embracing everyone and thanking them for coming.
Now we were ready to head home and prepare for our trip to Florida in the morning. We had a wonderful day and everyone was perfect especially my beautiful wife.
Wedding bells
We all remember certain days in our lives and always look upon them fondly and with great joy. The 2 days that standout in my mind are our wedding day and the birth of our son. I was very fortunate that our paths crossed and brought us to such a glorious and special day. When Maria accepted my proposal we started planning for our special day and we wanted it to be simple yet have a wedding that included a fun celebration. We both were working so we had to save but luckily my dad was always there for us and he wanted us to share our joy and celebrate with our family, relatives and friends so he assisted us financially and told me to be responsible with the gift and use it wisely. We knew we would like to have a nice church wedding and a celebration and memories that would last a lifetime. For me personally I was fine with a small wedding that included immediate family, relatives and friends. We did some pricing around and were quoted various prices in various ranges and we knew the range within our budget. Some were ruled out immediately because we knew we also had to save to eventually buy a house. After several searches and price quotes we decided our wedding would be held at the Knights of Columbus hall in Oceanside, New York. It was affordable, had a nice menu to choose from and the date worked out perfectly which was a Saturday from 1:30 pm - 6:30 pm on September 12, 1998. We were all excited and now we had to put a list together of all the people we wanted to share this special day with.
Maria had the fun part of choosing the wedding dress and she went with her girlfriends to find her dream gown within a budget of course. My form of dress was easy, just a tuxedo that hopefully would make me look good next to my beautiful bride. Obviously the pressure was off me as everyone looks at the bride anyway! We slowly but surely comprised our list trying not to forget anyone but also knowing we couldn't invite everyone. After compiling the list breaking it into sections that listed immediate family on both sides first, family relatives on both sides second and friends and co-workers of both Maria and I third we came up with about 150 names and we did the math knowing the price per head and we felt we did not want to go higher than that. We felt optimistically that 80 - 90 % would show and that was within our budget. So we started on the invitations and I had enlisted the services of the local printer in Bellmore who used to prepare my resumes for years do our invitations and we both selected our layout, envelopes, design and program.
Our program would list all the participants in the bridal party which was small as it consisted of a matron of honor, best man, 2 brides maids, 2 groomsmen and 3 of the cutest little flower girls ranging in age from 2 years old to 4 years old in their cute little dresses and the ring bearer. The flower girls, Amanda Vaughan, Kathryn Walton and Catherine Bonacasa were the sweetest little angels and we were so delighted that they all would participate with their moms advising us that they would try their best in having them prepared for our big day. We didn't mind if they were off with timing we just wanted them to be a part of it and of course Michael Bonacasa, our little ring bearer who was between 3 and 4 years old in his little tux. With that confirmed we now decided on our songs in the church which obviously lead with Mendelsohn's Wedding March when Maria would be escorted down the aisle by her brother-in-law Ken, the stand-in for her dad, who was back home in the Philippines. Another song on the program for the ceremony was Ava Maria which is such a beautiful and emotional song.
As the date drew nearer we also had to decide on a destination for our honeymoon and went to a travel agent who suggested Disney World which offered a nice package deal for newlyweds that included flight, hotel stay at the Swan and Dolphin, tickets for all the major parks and discounts for lunch and dinner at the various restaurants. We were in agreement and decided we would love to spend time with Micky on our honeymoon. The church where we were marrying at was St. Barnabas in Bellmore on Bedford Avenue. It is a beautiful church and we were getting excited about our upcoming wedding and the prospects of raising a family. We also had to attend pre-cana classes at the rectory for 6-8 weeks where we were advised by the priest and a married couple about the doctrines of the church and the values that should be maintained by a newly married couple within the church and in raising a family. We learned a lot and were greatful for the advice and teachings. We read verses from the bible and how they applied to leading a morally christian life and raising children.
In our wedding planning we also booked the photographer and the video crew and the all important DJ who set the tone with the music. Our first dance song was unanimously decided and it was a song by our favorite artist, Shania Twain and our favorite song we chose was titled "From this Moment On" which stirs up so much emotion as we both love Shania and went to see her in concert at Jones Beach on a date 2 weeks before our wedding date. We were so in awe of her and we were feeling so happy during the concert that we did not want it to end. Shania is a special performer and we would love to see her as often as possible.
We were now ready to provide the head count for our reception as we had 122 people respond that they were coming for our wedding. We were right on target with our estimation and were now feeling some nervous jitters but that is normal. My best man, Jeffrey Saper, a close friend from my college days and who has been a loyal friend through out my college days and since we graduated Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York was organizing my bachelor party and he was the one to stand by my side at my wedding. I could not have chosen a better person and felt priveledged to have him as my best man and my best friend.
He planned a low key party for me at Borelli's in East Meadow, New York where we had an enjoyable dinner amongst close friends and we topped it off at Crystal's in Farmingdale, New York where we got to spend a few hours enjoying the last moments of my bachelorhood.
Now the night before the wedding was a bit chaotic and we had to coordinate the photographers visit at my dad's house where we would have Maria and the bridesmaids photographed in the morning of our wedding promptly at 8:00 am. Maria and her bridesmaids also had scheduled a visit at the salon in Bellmore to have their hair done before the picture taking at 7:00 am.
We were all up early on Saturday, our wedding day and I was not able to see my wife to be so I had dressed in my tux and hung out at my sister's house across the street from the church while Maria and her mom and sister and all the girls were being photographed at my dad's house. The wedding was scheduled for 11:00 am and I was very excited and also calming the butterflies in my stomach. I knew we had to present ourselves with calmness and share our joy with our family and friends and was hoping that everything would go as planned like we prepared in the rehearsals.
At 10:15 am I headed to the church with my best man and we were waiting at the church greeting family and guests and seating them on the appropriate sides of the church with the help of the other ushers. Everyone looked so nice and all the young girls and women were dressed all so beautifully. I was enjoying their kind greetings and good wishes as I eagerly awaited my bride. It was quite sureal for me and also very humbling. I knew this moment would be forever etched in my mind and also knew that the photographers would also be working to provide us wonderful memories through pictures and video.
As the limo drove up there was a hush in the audience as we had to prepare ourselves for this special moment and I took my position in the front of the church near the alter awaiting my beautiful bride, Maria. Jeff was positioned slightly behind me to my right. I could not wait to see Maria escorted down the aisle as the procession readied to start. As the organist led in with the music which was so beautiful and emotional the procession had begun. It was such a proud moment for me when I saw my dad walking down the aisle with my mother in law arm in arm. I knew my mom was with us in spirit and I was so proud of my dad. It was after all my dad who made this all possible for us and I was so grateful to him. The ushers walked in first then the bridesmaids walked in behind them. Fe, Maria's sister the matron of honor walked in next. Then little Michael, our ring bearer walked in looking so handsome in his little tux carrying in the cushion holding the symbolic ring and he was remarkable. Then all our nieces, the cute little flower girls walked in looking so adorable carrying little flower baskets and wearing such pretty little white dresses. Little Catherine needed a little assistance from her mom, my sister Joan which was precious. Then the organist led in with the traditional Wedding March as Maria, looking so beautiful started the walk down the aisle escorted by Ken, the stand-in. As they made it to the alter Maria was presented and positioned next to me and she held on to my left arm as the priest lead in with the beginning of the ceremony. I felt very comfortable and so happy to see such a great turnout and listening intently to Father Peter as he discussed the special bond a man and a woman share in marriage and their roles and the love they share and the joys they have in raising children and living a moral and devout life professing their love to each other, their children and to God.
We were pleased he was performing our wedding. He was very kind to us and we really were delighted he was conducting our wedding as he spoke so eloquently and was very helpful with our planning right from the beginning when we first interviewed with him.
I was waiting for the time when I could kiss my bride and stroll down the aisle arm in arm. The service was going nicely and I was just taking it all in as I sensed Maria was doing well and was looking so pretty. We both were anticipating a big day ahead of us and hoping everything was to go smoothly and we had a lot of support with all involved. As the priest led in about the love of a man and a woman and the vows they take we knew it was near the time we would speak aloud and then he walked towards us and asked us to take our vows and we both spoke nervously but with both of us professing our love to each other. He cued for the rings and we took our vows and exchanged rings and waited for the magic words I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride and then the moment we have been waiting for had come at last and I gave Maria a kiss and felt our unabounding love for each other. We then heard the organist play the wedding exit as we walked down the aisle arm in arm glancing at all our guests and smiling. It was truly a special ceremony for all of us.
Maria had the fun part of choosing the wedding dress and she went with her girlfriends to find her dream gown within a budget of course. My form of dress was easy, just a tuxedo that hopefully would make me look good next to my beautiful bride. Obviously the pressure was off me as everyone looks at the bride anyway! We slowly but surely comprised our list trying not to forget anyone but also knowing we couldn't invite everyone. After compiling the list breaking it into sections that listed immediate family on both sides first, family relatives on both sides second and friends and co-workers of both Maria and I third we came up with about 150 names and we did the math knowing the price per head and we felt we did not want to go higher than that. We felt optimistically that 80 - 90 % would show and that was within our budget. So we started on the invitations and I had enlisted the services of the local printer in Bellmore who used to prepare my resumes for years do our invitations and we both selected our layout, envelopes, design and program.
Our program would list all the participants in the bridal party which was small as it consisted of a matron of honor, best man, 2 brides maids, 2 groomsmen and 3 of the cutest little flower girls ranging in age from 2 years old to 4 years old in their cute little dresses and the ring bearer. The flower girls, Amanda Vaughan, Kathryn Walton and Catherine Bonacasa were the sweetest little angels and we were so delighted that they all would participate with their moms advising us that they would try their best in having them prepared for our big day. We didn't mind if they were off with timing we just wanted them to be a part of it and of course Michael Bonacasa, our little ring bearer who was between 3 and 4 years old in his little tux. With that confirmed we now decided on our songs in the church which obviously lead with Mendelsohn's Wedding March when Maria would be escorted down the aisle by her brother-in-law Ken, the stand-in for her dad, who was back home in the Philippines. Another song on the program for the ceremony was Ava Maria which is such a beautiful and emotional song.
As the date drew nearer we also had to decide on a destination for our honeymoon and went to a travel agent who suggested Disney World which offered a nice package deal for newlyweds that included flight, hotel stay at the Swan and Dolphin, tickets for all the major parks and discounts for lunch and dinner at the various restaurants. We were in agreement and decided we would love to spend time with Micky on our honeymoon. The church where we were marrying at was St. Barnabas in Bellmore on Bedford Avenue. It is a beautiful church and we were getting excited about our upcoming wedding and the prospects of raising a family. We also had to attend pre-cana classes at the rectory for 6-8 weeks where we were advised by the priest and a married couple about the doctrines of the church and the values that should be maintained by a newly married couple within the church and in raising a family. We learned a lot and were greatful for the advice and teachings. We read verses from the bible and how they applied to leading a morally christian life and raising children.
In our wedding planning we also booked the photographer and the video crew and the all important DJ who set the tone with the music. Our first dance song was unanimously decided and it was a song by our favorite artist, Shania Twain and our favorite song we chose was titled "From this Moment On" which stirs up so much emotion as we both love Shania and went to see her in concert at Jones Beach on a date 2 weeks before our wedding date. We were so in awe of her and we were feeling so happy during the concert that we did not want it to end. Shania is a special performer and we would love to see her as often as possible.
We were now ready to provide the head count for our reception as we had 122 people respond that they were coming for our wedding. We were right on target with our estimation and were now feeling some nervous jitters but that is normal. My best man, Jeffrey Saper, a close friend from my college days and who has been a loyal friend through out my college days and since we graduated Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York was organizing my bachelor party and he was the one to stand by my side at my wedding. I could not have chosen a better person and felt priveledged to have him as my best man and my best friend.
He planned a low key party for me at Borelli's in East Meadow, New York where we had an enjoyable dinner amongst close friends and we topped it off at Crystal's in Farmingdale, New York where we got to spend a few hours enjoying the last moments of my bachelorhood.
Now the night before the wedding was a bit chaotic and we had to coordinate the photographers visit at my dad's house where we would have Maria and the bridesmaids photographed in the morning of our wedding promptly at 8:00 am. Maria and her bridesmaids also had scheduled a visit at the salon in Bellmore to have their hair done before the picture taking at 7:00 am.
We were all up early on Saturday, our wedding day and I was not able to see my wife to be so I had dressed in my tux and hung out at my sister's house across the street from the church while Maria and her mom and sister and all the girls were being photographed at my dad's house. The wedding was scheduled for 11:00 am and I was very excited and also calming the butterflies in my stomach. I knew we had to present ourselves with calmness and share our joy with our family and friends and was hoping that everything would go as planned like we prepared in the rehearsals.
At 10:15 am I headed to the church with my best man and we were waiting at the church greeting family and guests and seating them on the appropriate sides of the church with the help of the other ushers. Everyone looked so nice and all the young girls and women were dressed all so beautifully. I was enjoying their kind greetings and good wishes as I eagerly awaited my bride. It was quite sureal for me and also very humbling. I knew this moment would be forever etched in my mind and also knew that the photographers would also be working to provide us wonderful memories through pictures and video.
As the limo drove up there was a hush in the audience as we had to prepare ourselves for this special moment and I took my position in the front of the church near the alter awaiting my beautiful bride, Maria. Jeff was positioned slightly behind me to my right. I could not wait to see Maria escorted down the aisle as the procession readied to start. As the organist led in with the music which was so beautiful and emotional the procession had begun. It was such a proud moment for me when I saw my dad walking down the aisle with my mother in law arm in arm. I knew my mom was with us in spirit and I was so proud of my dad. It was after all my dad who made this all possible for us and I was so grateful to him. The ushers walked in first then the bridesmaids walked in behind them. Fe, Maria's sister the matron of honor walked in next. Then little Michael, our ring bearer walked in looking so handsome in his little tux carrying in the cushion holding the symbolic ring and he was remarkable. Then all our nieces, the cute little flower girls walked in looking so adorable carrying little flower baskets and wearing such pretty little white dresses. Little Catherine needed a little assistance from her mom, my sister Joan which was precious. Then the organist led in with the traditional Wedding March as Maria, looking so beautiful started the walk down the aisle escorted by Ken, the stand-in. As they made it to the alter Maria was presented and positioned next to me and she held on to my left arm as the priest lead in with the beginning of the ceremony. I felt very comfortable and so happy to see such a great turnout and listening intently to Father Peter as he discussed the special bond a man and a woman share in marriage and their roles and the love they share and the joys they have in raising children and living a moral and devout life professing their love to each other, their children and to God.
We were pleased he was performing our wedding. He was very kind to us and we really were delighted he was conducting our wedding as he spoke so eloquently and was very helpful with our planning right from the beginning when we first interviewed with him.
I was waiting for the time when I could kiss my bride and stroll down the aisle arm in arm. The service was going nicely and I was just taking it all in as I sensed Maria was doing well and was looking so pretty. We both were anticipating a big day ahead of us and hoping everything was to go smoothly and we had a lot of support with all involved. As the priest led in about the love of a man and a woman and the vows they take we knew it was near the time we would speak aloud and then he walked towards us and asked us to take our vows and we both spoke nervously but with both of us professing our love to each other. He cued for the rings and we took our vows and exchanged rings and waited for the magic words I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride and then the moment we have been waiting for had come at last and I gave Maria a kiss and felt our unabounding love for each other. We then heard the organist play the wedding exit as we walked down the aisle arm in arm glancing at all our guests and smiling. It was truly a special ceremony for all of us.
The proposal
I was very fortunate to meet Maria and felt very comfortable with her going on dates and talking. We talked for hours and shared things and just felt natural together. We dated for almost a year when she asked me how I felt about family and marriage. I was a bit surprised but since I have not had the experience of dating much before I felt it was something that I had not really thought about but certainly had hoped for with the right girl. Sometimes there are mysteries in life as to how 2 people of the opposite sex come together. I remember when I was a young boy I would think about the girl I would marry and just felt like it was magical in so many ways because when you think about it you can really make yourself go into a dream like fantasy wondering how old is she?, where does she live?, what does she like to do?, is she shy like me?, what does she look like?, What school does she go to?, Does she have a lot of friends?, and so on and so on. I remember my dad would tell me there is a girl out there and she is waiting for you. I was just amazed about this and felt like there really is a meaning as to how couples get together. I felt that by going to the psychologist when I was going through my depression I was helping myself. Little did I know that by going I was also setting in motion the chance visit with Maria. It just seems like fate when we came together like it was meant to be. I remember growing up and during my high school days I had crushes on girls but I was very shy and did not feel ready. I always felt I had to be accomplished before I met a girl which now I look back on and feel is a bit silly. I always admired women and felt good when I could open up and talk. As I get older I find it is getting easier.
So in answer to Maria's question I thought real hard about it and told her to give me a week to think about it. I had planned to take her out the next weekend and told her I would let her know my feelings about marriage and family.
My dad was one person I always looked up to and he was very special to me. If I could talk to anyone about something as important as this it certainly was him. I talked to him and asked him when do you know you are with the right person and when it is time to ask about taking her hand in marriage and my dad looked at me straight in the eyes and said you will know when your heart tells you so and I looked back at him and I said I think I am falling in love with Maria and would like to marry her. He then asked me if I was committed enough to stick by her side and to bring a child into the world and love them both and take care of them both for the rest of my life and I said that I would consider it a gift from God to marry and be blessed with a child. So after my discussion I knew what my answer was. I did not know if I could last the week as I felt marriage proposals were spontaneous so I arranged a meeting where I would have a joint session at the psychologist's office midweek and asked her if she could attend. She said she could schedule for Wednesday. I told her that day was fine and I hoped we could schedule that day with Michele, our psychologist. It turned out that she could not schedule that week because she was attending seminars but would be available on Monday. I told her I would have to get back to her because I was hoping to propose to Maria at the psychologist's office. After I told her that she said she would be available for Wednesday and she would reschedule her seminar and would be honored to share in the proposal. My only concern now was how would I propose and when. If I did it in the beginning and she accepted then the session would be a celebration. If I asked and she refused then the session would be a disaster. The end of the session also seemed to pose some problems and moments of awkwardness.
So I decided I would propose to Maria as we drove up to her office instead. I did not want to make her feel awkward in front of anyone.
Usually I take the train to work and the subway to the psychologist's office. Today instead I decided I would drive in and meet Maria in front of her office and have her wait in my car but it was not practical so I had to change my plans again. I knew exactly how I would propose.
I called Michelle to inform her we were planning to make the appointment but I would use the session as an ordinary session and I would propose to her at the restaurant down the block from her office after our session and she agreed that was a great idea.
So I made it to the appointment on time and told Maria to meet me up at Michelle's office once she get's there. She was there actually before I was and they were both talking. I greeted them both and took my seat next to Maria and we started the session. Michele asked how we were and what would we like to discuss. I led the conversation by saying that Maria and I were doing well and that we have been dating for almost a year and I felt very happy and felt I have come a long way from when I first started our sessions and felt good having joint sessions with Maria. I told her about the things we were doing together and that I felt comfortable with her. Michele then asked Maria how she felt and she said she also was happy that we met and she enjoys being with me. The session was a good one and Michele made us feel very comfortable. She asked us if we wished to discuss anything else and I asked her a question I asked my dad and that was When do you know when you found the right person? She was taken aback at first and then replied that you know you found the right person when you can be yourself and know that you have mutual feelings for each other. I agreed and I then proceeded to ask Maria how she felt about spending the rest of her life with me and she at first was stunned so I got down on my knees in Michele's office and I asked her if she would marry me and to my delight she said Yes and she started to cry as did I since I was holding all this emotion inside of me and felt such incredible relief and happiness and so our session that day became a celebration and we topped it off by going to the greek restaurant down the block and as we were preparing to leave Michelle's office she gave us both the tightest hug and she began to cry as well. We were all crying tears of joy and she told us that our proposal was the first one she witnessed in her office and she said she was so happy for the two of us and we thanked her and headed for dinner and then for home. We were now preparing for our life together.
So in answer to Maria's question I thought real hard about it and told her to give me a week to think about it. I had planned to take her out the next weekend and told her I would let her know my feelings about marriage and family.
My dad was one person I always looked up to and he was very special to me. If I could talk to anyone about something as important as this it certainly was him. I talked to him and asked him when do you know you are with the right person and when it is time to ask about taking her hand in marriage and my dad looked at me straight in the eyes and said you will know when your heart tells you so and I looked back at him and I said I think I am falling in love with Maria and would like to marry her. He then asked me if I was committed enough to stick by her side and to bring a child into the world and love them both and take care of them both for the rest of my life and I said that I would consider it a gift from God to marry and be blessed with a child. So after my discussion I knew what my answer was. I did not know if I could last the week as I felt marriage proposals were spontaneous so I arranged a meeting where I would have a joint session at the psychologist's office midweek and asked her if she could attend. She said she could schedule for Wednesday. I told her that day was fine and I hoped we could schedule that day with Michele, our psychologist. It turned out that she could not schedule that week because she was attending seminars but would be available on Monday. I told her I would have to get back to her because I was hoping to propose to Maria at the psychologist's office. After I told her that she said she would be available for Wednesday and she would reschedule her seminar and would be honored to share in the proposal. My only concern now was how would I propose and when. If I did it in the beginning and she accepted then the session would be a celebration. If I asked and she refused then the session would be a disaster. The end of the session also seemed to pose some problems and moments of awkwardness.
So I decided I would propose to Maria as we drove up to her office instead. I did not want to make her feel awkward in front of anyone.
Usually I take the train to work and the subway to the psychologist's office. Today instead I decided I would drive in and meet Maria in front of her office and have her wait in my car but it was not practical so I had to change my plans again. I knew exactly how I would propose.
I called Michelle to inform her we were planning to make the appointment but I would use the session as an ordinary session and I would propose to her at the restaurant down the block from her office after our session and she agreed that was a great idea.
So I made it to the appointment on time and told Maria to meet me up at Michelle's office once she get's there. She was there actually before I was and they were both talking. I greeted them both and took my seat next to Maria and we started the session. Michele asked how we were and what would we like to discuss. I led the conversation by saying that Maria and I were doing well and that we have been dating for almost a year and I felt very happy and felt I have come a long way from when I first started our sessions and felt good having joint sessions with Maria. I told her about the things we were doing together and that I felt comfortable with her. Michele then asked Maria how she felt and she said she also was happy that we met and she enjoys being with me. The session was a good one and Michele made us feel very comfortable. She asked us if we wished to discuss anything else and I asked her a question I asked my dad and that was When do you know when you found the right person? She was taken aback at first and then replied that you know you found the right person when you can be yourself and know that you have mutual feelings for each other. I agreed and I then proceeded to ask Maria how she felt about spending the rest of her life with me and she at first was stunned so I got down on my knees in Michele's office and I asked her if she would marry me and to my delight she said Yes and she started to cry as did I since I was holding all this emotion inside of me and felt such incredible relief and happiness and so our session that day became a celebration and we topped it off by going to the greek restaurant down the block and as we were preparing to leave Michelle's office she gave us both the tightest hug and she began to cry as well. We were all crying tears of joy and she told us that our proposal was the first one she witnessed in her office and she said she was so happy for the two of us and we thanked her and headed for dinner and then for home. We were now preparing for our life together.
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