My son and a new school.

It's been said that education is an essential and major part of our life and the level we accomplish determines the type of success we achieve. For most of us school is a place where we learn and find a home away from home and we develop friendships and focus on our studies. In my school days the only time I missed a day was when I was sick. I never had difficulties in the schools I attended or in my classes and I never had the experience of being suspended. I was a quiet kid but I managed to achieve success and make some friends along the way.

For my son school has been a challenge but not from the perspective of academics as he is very bright. The challenge is social and behavioral. Ever since he was a toddler attending school he needed a pretty extensive support system to address his special needs as an autistic child with a seizure disorder. We have been trying to help our son get through these emotional challenges he encounters and find the necessary support system that will allow him to overcome them and to flourish. He needs continual encouragement and mentoring that will help him develop self confidence and a sense of self worth. He has a kind and caring side that needs to be recognized and further developed so he can shine and be known for how he really is.

All kids from time to time have tantrums and act out but it seems our son has them more frequently and this has resulted in many disruptions in his schooling experience and it has led to several suspensions through the years leading to frequent absences that have contributed to his losing out on learning, his gradual loss of self esteem and his inability to have normal socialization with his peers. We have been very concerned about the predicament they have put him in as a student without a school and felt the schools he attended were not helping him and decided to take the easy way out when they suspended him.

The last school he was attending tried to provide him an education and keep him in the classroom and the school but the meltdowns our son encountered were too much for the school to handle and they were not equipped to help him through them so they took the action of a permanent suspension which was for 5 months starting in late November 2010 around Thanksgiving break and it lasted through Spring break, April 2011 until the Easter holiday. His former school did provide a teacher to come to the house for a 2 hour lesson, 5 days a week. This was the minimum education he was receiving for that period he was out of school and it was not always consistent. During that period his former school was also working on helping place our son in a suitable school environment.

We had several meetings with his former school trying to find the right school setting for our son and the school that was highly regarded and recommended was the James E Allen Middle School and High School which is a BOCES school that caters to special needs and handicapped children. The school learned of our son's situation and they were open to admitting him where other schools were not. We were impressed with the school and the learning environment and the philosophy and we were confident that they would be able to help our son where the other schools were not so we decided to accept the school as our son's next school. We are very concerned for our son's education and we want him to feel comfortable and happy in the school he attends and we feel that James E. Allen will help him to get to that point.

His very first day of school at James E Allen was Tuesday, April 26 which he said felt like the start of a new school year. He is now adjusting to being in a new school with new teachers in a new location trying to make new friends and trying to do his best while containing his emotions. I am very sympathetic to my son for all the challenges he faces and I am trying my best to encourage him and help him to believe in himself and to find his strengths. Since he seems to enjoy math and writing I feel he should focus on doing his best in these areas as well as science, music and art. I believe in my son and know he can do well in school and deal with the social barriers most autistic children face because he has so much potential and he is deep down a wonderful young boy with a very kind and caring heart.    

As a parent with hopes and dreams for their child I stand by my son with my wife and we fully expect our son to overcome his difficulties and to flourish in the right school and we are confident that James E. Allen Middle/High School will allow him such an opportunity.

Good Luck Matty, We love you and we know you will find your way and we will always be there to help you and guide you as will your teachers. Enjoy your new school!

Edward D. Iannielli III

We all have a story to tell

Reflection and thought are essential in relating our experiences and telling our story. We all indeed have a story to tell as we think back and find the words to express all that is important to us. As we reflect on our life we will have many memories and experiences to share and sometimes we may shed a tear in speaking about those who were there for us in our life and are now gone such as our parents. We were just babies in the beginning and we were totally dependent on our parents who held us, comforted us and wiped away our tears. They made sure we were well fed and changed and they spoke and sang to us and helped us to laugh and say our first words. They were there for us when we took our first steps and they cheered for us when we walked towards them with arms wide open. Our parents always made us feel safe and they taught us very important values that helped shape us as individuals and made us understand how we should live our lives.

Expressing ourselves is essential and we have so many ways of doing so. We will find in our lives that establishing relationships with others requires a lot of energy, time, commitment, devotion and desire. We learn from the relationships we forge in our lives and we are very much influenced by them as well. As we grow, mature and develop self confidence and a sense of who we are we start to find our way developing friendships and most importantly, our personality. We must always remember that we are worthwhile and deserving of a life filled with happiness, joy, love, achievement, friendship and respect.

The joys of growing up and developing relationships helps give meaning to our lives and enables us to become interconnected as we become young adults. As we mature we will start to appreciate the relationships we develop with members of the opposite sex. For most of us dating is a time of great uncertainty and we feel uncomfortable initially but as we start to feel accepted and start to enjoy the experiences of doing things together with our "sweethearts" we will find that those relationships are truly special and very important to us. There is no better feeling in the world then to feel loved by a young woman and for a boy now becoming a young man this love is the most exciting and most challenging experience we will encounter. We must always remember to be respectful, kind, considerate and flexible. We will also start to realize the positive impact a young woman will have in our life.

We learn early on the importance of education and being responsible. Our success is measured by what we achieve and accomplish throughout our life and we all have the same opportunities but we all have different priorities and values which influence us in the decisions we make and the level of success we achieve. We also must be strong and resilient to all the challenges and obstacles we certainly will encounter along the way.
The mind is a very powerful creation and there is no limit to what it can achieve but it is the person who controls the mind and it is emotion that controls the person so we all have to learn to control our feelings and emotions and maintain clear and concise thought.

As we live our lives and we experience the many encounters, changes, stages, emotions and people we come in contact with we will start to know that life is truly wonderful and although we may find uncertainty, indecision, disappointment, failure and heartbreak along the way we also will find joy, happiness, love, achievement and success which will help us to go on and take the good with the bad so we can have a balanced life.

As we so often realize in life that we need to have others around us we will also want to share our lives with others and one day marry and raise a family. It is human nature to desire companionship and to have children. Children are very special and it is when we experience the birth of our own child that we learn the importance of responsibility and we get to truly appreciate the beauty, the miracle and the innocence of life. We find our lives take a new direction and we become wiser and more caring when we become parents. We also live our lives with our children as the central focal point in our life. It is our children that give us strength, courage and joy and make us far better as adults. We protect, care and nurture our children and they teach us so much about life and unconditional love.

The hardest part in life is getting older and experiencing loss of our loved ones. For those who were close to us it is so hard to have to come to the realization that we will no longer see them and all that will remain are the precious memories. We will need to always keep our guard up and maintain a sense of hope and always try our best to balance our emotions and feelings to get through the tough and difficult times. This is part of life and this also has a tremendous impact on us in how we live and survive and care for our families. We are human and we have emotions and feelings and we will find at times that we will cry and feel very sad but we must know that we also will laugh once again despite these sad realities we will encounter.

As we reflect on our lives and all the people who cared for us, taught us, shared with us, talked to us, loved us and made us feel special we will feel a special bond that will never be broken and when we reflect on those who were truly special such as our parents, our siblings, our friends, our teachers, our spouse, our children and our relatives we will feel very fortunate and happy and that will be a major part of our story and a major force in who we are.

So when I think of all the special people in my life and the years gone by and how quickly they have passed I too realize I have a story worth telling that chronicles my love of my family and how truly grateful I am for all who have helped shape my life and made me realize how beautiful life is and how special it is to have children and to always be there for them no matter what. No one stands alone. We all need someone to help pick us up and bring us back. I am so very lucky and I will remember this each and every day I wake. Thank you for being there for me.

Dedicated to my mom and dad, my wife and my son with love.

Edward D. Iannielli  III

Autism - A parent's wish for their child

We all have our own ways of dealing with the difficulties we encounter in life and sometimes it takes a great deal of time and the loving support of others to help us get through them. I know from my own personal experiences how hard it is to recover and get back to a "normal routine" when we are trying to cope with life's saddest of moments and how hard we try to be brave at a most difficult time. As I have grown to realize this I have also come to learn something very important and that is to always have patience, understanding and hope when it comes to raising an autistic child.

We as parents want to protect our children and always make them feel safe and loved. It is very important to listen and understand what is happening in their life and to give them the freedom and the time they need to express themselves and speak their mind. All children whether they are autistic, handicapped or normal have to feel comfortable with expressing themselves and fitting in. For children on the autistic spectrum it is a lot more challenging for parents and loved ones to communicate and reach them so it is essential that care be taken in understanding and reaching out to them and allowing them to share their feelings with us.

Every child has dreams and hopes and parents all wish to see their children smile and feel happy about their life and their surroundings. Children have an innocence in their young life and we always want to see them continue with this youthful innocence shielding them and allowing them to be kids for as long as possible. Children are seemingly growing up sooner and sooner these days and it is a shame because life has pressures and we certainly don't want our children to feel these pressures too soon. Once you out grow your childhood you can't go back so you certainly don't wish to rush through it. It seems though when we are young kids we can't wait to grow up and when we are adults we wish we could be kids again. I always remind my son that he should enjoy and appreciate his childhood because it passes by in a flash and when we look back we wonder how this has happened.

As I talk with my son I try to speak to him in a way where he feels comfortable and not make him feel like he is being lectured to. It is not always so simple and I admit I am learning every day but I know that with my son who has his share of challenges I have to walk a fine line in how I talk to him about his inappropriate behaviors and his feelings. I wish I could give him peace of mind and the feeling of always being protected. It hurts me terribly when I see my son struggling and having difficulty in school and I want more than anything else to see him making progress, learning and thriving.

It seems that autistic children have difficult times in relating to others and in expressing themselves properly. They often have difficulty with self control and in participating in activities with their peers. Sensitivities to food, texture, aroma, sound, crowds and change are fairly common and usually impact greatly on an autistic child. As I speak to my son I try to find out what is going on in his mind and what his wishes, hopes and dreams are. For a parent it is so joyous to see their child get excited about something worthwhile and show their enthusiasm and dedication. Children need to dream and wish for things important to them. Some children have a sad disposition that contributes to a feeling of depression and hopelessness and it is so critical that these children get the necessary medical attention they need because it is not something that should be brushed off as a part of growing up. Too many children are suffering and they must be able to communicate this to a parent or someone they trust so it doesn't get overwhelming for them. If they don't get the help they need they will wind up getting into trouble or worse.

Despite my son's recent difficulties and his situation with being home schooled because his former school could not adequately meet his needs and deal with his meltdowns in the class room he is a great kid with a tremendous potential. He knows that he has to work hard to control his feelings and we try our best to explain this to him without getting him upset. I know in my heart he should be back in school and given a chance to tap into his potential and hopefully turn things around but I do worry for him and wonder when he will find it getting a bit easier so he can go back to an appropriate school setting. I am so emotionally caught up in my son's situation that sometimes I feel like I am not doing all I can to help him. My biggest challenge is getting him back to school and making him realize how he needs to do his part in performing responsibly and with dedication and pride. He also needs to find something healthy to do with other children that will give him a renewed feeling of accomplishment and happiness and will also lead to a positive self esteem and an opportunity to make friendships. 

If I could fulfill my one wish it would be to see my son making strides and once again learning in school and making progress each and every day. I want my son to learn and prosper and find his way so he can do his best and help others as he always wishes to do. My son is empathetic and wishes to ease the burden of others but he first must ease his own. May you always walk with the knowledge that you are never alone, my son. Always remember that your faith in the lord will help you always.    

Edward D. Iannielli III  

Finding your way

It seems in life there are so many questions to ask as we grow and experience our lives and our daily living and the answers may not always be so evident. We all have to learn from these experiences we encounter and mistakes will be made along the way. That is the only way we will learn and develop as individuals with our own thoughts, ideas, visions, hopes and dreams. I am evolving and growing still even as an adult and that will never change. As we age we should acquire great knowledge and wisdom which we will draw upon as we raise our own children. It seems we learn from the previous generation, our parents and if we are lucky enough we will also learn from the generation preceding them, our grandparents.

Life is a true blessing and a miracle and we should always be grateful for the opportunity and learn to appreciate each and every day. When we are very young we will have no recollection of our infancy or our years as toddlers but as we grow to become young children we will have lasting memories of our parents, our early days of school, our friends, our visits to our grandparents during the holidays and our first time learning to ride a bicycle. It is these experiences that will help shape us, give us insight, help develop our personality and teach us about life.

I have come to realize that loneliness is a very real part of life and we all need to come to terms with it because the reality is we all will feel alone many times in our life no matter how many people we will meet and befriend along the way. It is just the natural order of things and we know that we come into the world alone into a loving family hopefully and we leave this world alone hopefully with our loved ones by our side. We also should realize that we all have an impact on one another and our lives are richer for the many relationships we develop. We become better individuals when we reach out to help others and take the time to listen and be a friend. Friendships are very important and we learn early on how important it is to communicate and reach out to others.

   

Our formative years are spent in school where we will learn academics and social skills which we will build upon and take with us into our young adulthood. It is our formal schooling which will play a major part in our life as that will help us identify our strengths and weaknesses and provide us with the insight we will need to decide on our educational pursuits outside of high school and our career choices. It is at this time in our life where we will have to make very important choices and take responsibility and we will need to learn about who we are and what we wish to do with our lives. We will certainly need guidance, encouragement, support and understanding as we each navigate this time in our young lives.

We must always remember where we came from and how we got to the place we are and we must always try our best to teach our children and give them all the love, support, encouragement and guidance they will need in their lives so they can feel comfortable and know they are worthy of achieving their hopes and dreams. We all must find our way and if we really try our best and live our lives to be responsible, caring, dedicated and happy individuals then we will find the strength and courage to do so and we will be able to teach our children which is our most important challenge in life.

My wife and I will always strive to teach our son all that we know and to give him our love, encouragement, time and support to help enable him to find his way as that is our most important responsibility in life.

Edward D. Iannielli III

A birthday milestone, my son and autism

Birthdays are a happy occasion especially for kids because it is a celebration of a special day commemorating their birth and it is a time to share the joy with family and friends of this happy, joyous anniversary. We all like the attention and gifts we receive on our special day and it does not matter if we are children or adults. We feel the specialness of the day and we also thank our parents for the gift of life and the many memories they provided us. I remember when I was a young boy and my family celebrated my birthday and how special I felt. It was nice to have presents, birthday cake, a party and my friends sharing my day with me and my family. The memories of my birthday as a young boy remain with me after all these years and I still smile when I think back to those days.

Today I take great joy in celebrating our son's birthday now that I am a father. I remember the special day when my wife gave birth to our son and how joyous the occasion was and how we felt so blessed. I remember how tiny he was and seeing him cradled in his mother's arms on his very first day of life. Our son is now nearing adolescence and has celebrated many birthdays now which means I am getting older. I live for my son and wish to do all I can with the love and support of my wife to provide our son with all the opportunities he deserves in his life. He has special needs and struggles with autism and has many behavioral difficulties which affects his situation and has disrupted his education and now he awaits placement in an appropriate school setting where he can get along and learn so he can have the opportunity of going to college one day and live his dreams.

I am celebrating a milestone as I will approach the half century mark in a few days and to me it seems that the years and decades have passed by so quickly. The time is fleeting and I still feel young in my mind and not the 50 years that I am now closing in on. I sometimes wonder how the time has passed me by in what seems like the blink of an eye and feel a bit sad because I realize I am aging and have no control over the future. Raising a child we naturally wish to always be there to nurture them and provide them with our love, support and encouragement. When our child is special needs and is on the autistic spectrum it means we wish to always be there for them as they require so much attention and we will be tested and challenged throughout but our love and support will be unwavering and will help us through the tough days we will encounter in raising our child.

As I turn 50 I can't help but think about all the things I need to do to ensure my wife and son will be taken care of in the event my health declines or I am called to leave this earth. We just don't know how long we have to share life with our family and we live and do all we can to provide for our family hoping we will be together for many years to come and live to share and experience our child's milestones in their life. I feel as I get older my days of walking the earth get less and less and I suddenly realize I have lots of planning to do to see that our son will be protected as his needs become greater. I know we wish to support him through college and with all the financial concerns he will face. It seems I need to find a way to not worry and take one day at a time and stay optimistic as I face another year gone by and a new decade of my life. I wish life was not as complicated as it seems. I have always wondered if there was a way we did not have to worry and obsess over things like we do.

I wish we could be assured that everything will turn out OK. As I enter a new chapter in my life I find I am becoming more spiritual and also grateful for all I have been given. I am happy to be married and have a son and I just want to enjoy the days, weeks, months and years together with my family and hope that when it is my time to depart I will have the knowledge and vision that my son will be able to carry on and live a happy and fulfilling life. I have been emotionally affected by my wife and son in my life and by his condition of autism. I have cried on occasion when I felt helpless in providing my son with all the necessary support and guidance he needs. It is not easy raising an autistic child and it seems that at times we will be wondering when and hoping that things will improve over time. As the years go by it seems those feelings still remain and that is why it is my mission in life to see that my son will be provided the same opportunities as kids his age and that he will be encouraged to always do his best and be given the love and support he deserves each and every day.

As I turn 50 I feel a bit uneasy and scared because I know life is fleeting and I will not be here one day and that weighs on me as I have so many concerns for my son and family and that is based on all I have seen and experienced in my life. I lost grand parents and relatives in their mid 60's and my mother who I dearly miss died at the tender age of 50 and we just lost our dad tragically so it is rightly justified how I feel.  I will savor this moment and will live each day with a renewed sense of purpose and know in my heart always that it is my wife and son that I live for and I will always try to do my best to make their lives safe and to make them realize how much I am truly grateful for having them in my life and how much I love them both and will make sure they will always be protected no matter what. So as I approach 50 I will keep a positive and happy outlook and know that my family is always there for me too.

Edward D. Iannielli III

A Christmas wish

The calendar shows that we are once again celebrating Christmas day and as I look back on the year I am truly grateful for all the special moments and joys we've shared as a family. I am reminded also of the challenges and new beginnings we face as well. It seems in life we have to balance the happy times with the difficult times and try to always maintain a healthy and optimistic view of life to help us and give us perspective. Christmastime is a wonderful time of year as it reminds us what is most important in life and that is to be thankful and joyous for our family as we celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus. We all share in the joy of the season and are happy to be together with our family and the ones we love. I have learned so much through the years since our son's birth in December 1998. This year will be our 12th Christmas celebrating together and it seems the years just keep flying by as each Christmas becomes a memory and a reminder of what is most important which is family and helping our son be the best he can be.

One of the biggest challenges our son faces is living to adjust to the difficulties he faces as a result of his autism and to try to do his very best at home, in school and in public. This school year has been a very difficult one for our son as he continues to struggle with socialization and behavior. I have been trying to understand what my son must endure on a daily basis but it is not so easy to get in his head to try to figure out why he encounters these difficulties and setbacks. He has had very difficult times in school so severe that he has been suspended on many occasions. When I think of student-school suspensions I think of unruly children who are troubled kids who have no direction and no one to talk to. In my son's case he is very much affected by his condition of autism and I am not making excuses for him but it is clear that he does not intend to behave poorly. He is struggling internally with his emotions and is unable to control his behaviors because of his inability resulting from his lifelong condition of autism, adhd and epilepsy which has been diagnosed since he was 3 years old.

If I could be blessed with one wish this Christmas it would be to have my son back in a way where he can function and carry on his life as normal as possible so he won't keep missing school and so he can be properly socialized and develop healthy relationships and friendships. It is quite difficult for him at this point and it really affects his mental state and we are also deeply affected and it can be said that our hearts are indeed broken. There is not a day that goes by when I am not consumed with concern and worry over how my son is doing during his day. I have been trying my best to carry on and be strong but his recent declines has affected my own outlook and I have to find a way to help him.

He is currently without a school and this is weighing heavily on my wife and I as we feel helpless and realize how important it is for him to get along and attend school and get back to a normal routine. He has absolutely no control over how to conduct himself and it is causing his experiences and contacts to narrow which is resulting in isolation and controlled settings and under these circumstances he is not growing and developing as he should. It sometimes seems so hard to raise an autistic child and I am sometimes so frustrated that I feel I have no control. It can be very emotional and I have felt very sad for my son's situation as I try desperately to help him so he can have some semblance of normalcy in his life.

If I could find a way to get through to my son about life and disappointment and what we are here for I would be halfway there in helping him but it seems that whatever I say and whatever good intentions I have they get lost in the painful reality of disconnect that most autistic children face and experience in their lives daily. I have enlisted the services of doctors, counselors, teachers, therapists, family, friends and my own efforts in research and obtaining support in helping my son, my wife and myself. It is a long and very winding road and it seems we will travel this road with our son for the rest of our lives as we try to be the best parents we can in helping, advising, teaching and supporting him in his life and his world that can at times test our very limits and cause sorrow when we come upon consistent roadblocks. We will strive to do all we can for the sake of our son and we pray that one day our son will realize how special he is and how much he has to offer in this world we live. Our son has a truly good heart and he would never intentionally hurt anyone. In fact he wishes to help everyone live a better life. The reality is that he first needs to accept his situation and draw positive from it and accept us in our role in helping him as his loving and supportive parents. 

Christmas is a time for joy and hope and that is what I hold onto for my son. I pray for him everyday that he can have a breakthrough and can live and do all he wishes in his life. I want him to know that he is a good kid and has a kind heart and is special in so many ways. I want him to know who he is and I want him to live with courage and confidence and to face life head on with optimism, happiness and love in his heart. I want him to know that his mom and dad will always be there for him each and every waking day of his and our lives and we will all face it together and work on helping him to achieve his own independence when he is ready to do so. We will always put our heart and soul into raising him and providing him with love, support and will expect of him to always do his best. May God always walk with him when we can not and lift him up in his time of need. 

Merry Christmas, Matthew!

Mom and Dad love you very much!

Edward D. Iannielli III    

Autism - Bridging the gap

As a concerned father it is only natural that I want things to be perfect for my son. Sometimes as parents we come to the reality that our child will have struggles and it can be heartbreaking to have to come to terms with that. Raising an autistic child requires a great deal of patience, understanding, encouragement, support and an enduring love that will last forever. I have a sincere hope that my son will have a wonderful life filled with joy, happiness, friendship, love, ambition, success, courage, pride, accomplishment and vision. Our children are an extension of us and we always want what is best for them. We may not always know what that maybe but if we work hard in championing our efforts and seek the needed advice, counsel, support, therapies, schools and dedicated professionals that will help us in our mission in helping our child we will start the process in bridging the gap between our autistic child and the world they live in.

It all starts at home with the nurturing that only a loving parent can provide to their adoring child and a commitment that is unwavering and with firm resolve. Love is special and the love of parent and child is unconditional by nature and the most special bond we can ever have.  Sometimes I cry because I just don't seem to know all I possibly can to help my son and when I see him struggling with his behavior and unable to fit in I really find myself at a loss when it seems that everything my wife and I try are just hopeful attempts in helping our son to get on the right track with school, with understanding the consequences of his actions, with his behavior and with his ability to find meaningful friendships. I am not easily discouraged but raising an autistic child can cause emotional upset and a feeling of hopelessness sometimes.

Everything we do for the benefit of our children is with sincerity and with love. I speak from the heart when I say this because from the day our son was born I pledged to myself, my wife, our son and to God that I would do all I could for him and we would never lose sight of that no matter what. I mean no matter what so for our son who has had quite a bit of challenges with his conditions of epilepsy, autism, adhd and bi-polar disorder it can be said that the days do not come easy for him or for us as his loving parents but we stay together focused in helping our son to have better days ahead and a hope that will be eternal that he too can have a life filled with many expectations and opportunities as we work together to bridge the gaps along the way for him.

As much as I need to be with my wife and son at these times and to be strong emotionally and focused sometimes I need my space to be alone with my thoughts and have my own private time. It may seem selfish but I have to have perspective from outside of the situation and sometimes I need to feel detached from it so I can be somewhat more objective. I am too often an emotional person and I can be read very easily and it is not uncommon for people to pick that up with me as I am always worrying for my son and I feel I need to distance myself at times so I can be stronger and help my son more effectively. It is a daily toll when it seems that all our efforts sometimes don't measure to what our hopes and expectations are for our son.

I learned early on that we will not have perfection in our life and we must adapt and accept ourselves, imperfections and all. We must always remember that we are never guaranteed anything and we have to be grateful for every day and make the most of it. Life is never always certain so it is with this reality that I take one day at a time and I try to teach my son this also. We don't try to do everything at once. We take it step by step so we don't feel overwhelmed and we try to find the good in everything because that is always the best way to see things. I always learned that from my parents and I know this is what I need to teach to our son. 

As parents of an autistic child we rely on so many people to help us in helping our son and it is always our hope that all we do will someday make a difference and help bridge the gap for him towards having a happy and meaningful life. That is our hope and our dream for our son. 

Edward D. Iannielli III