A child's innocence.

Childhood is such a wonderful and precious time for us as parents. As adults we really enjoy seeing the innocence and the joy of childhood through our children and that is the best gift we could ever ask for. For us thinking back to when we were children we realize how we were connected to our parents and needed them in every aspect of our life as they were responsible for our upbringing, our safety, our shelter, our development, our education, our interpretation and views and our early life experiences. We were literally dependent on our parents from the day we were born through our early adulthood.

As children we are influenced by our parents and our surroundings and we are very impressionable and have an innocence and we view our parents as special and very important in our life. As adults if we are blessed to marry and have a child we learn immediately upon our child's birth how much we need to be responsible as our newborn baby is dependent on us in every way just like we were to our parents when we were born. I remember when Matthew was an infant I would take great joy seeing him sleep comfortably in his crib and I would watch how Maria cared for him and I knew our son was so precious and needed us as we needed him. I enjoyed knowing he felt comfortable and was sleeping so peacefully and I loved to see his tiny arm movements and his little yawns and hearing his cries and seeing him calm down as we came to satisfy his needs. Raising an infant is an ongoing learning experience that will challenge us, exhaust us, teach us and most of all will bring us together so we can provide our best and give our child all our love and devotion.

I remember when Matthew was a baby I would love to lay next to him on our bed and play lullaby music and just feel so in tune with him, not having a worry in the world for that brief moment in time as it was just my son and I and it was a truly incredible feeling. Once he had fallen asleep then Maria and I would gently place him in his crib next to our bed and we would settle in for the night. It seems that the time from infancy to toddler is a long time filled with many diaper changes, lots of crying, lots of spitting up, lots of fevers, lots of sleepless nights and lots of times running out to the store for formula and diapers. As I think back to that time I wouldn't trade it in for anything as that was a wonderful time in our lives as we were learning what it is to be loving and caring parents. In thinking back to that time it seemed to last a while but in retrospect it flew by and is now a distant memory. Our son is now in middle school and he is maturing and growing and becoming a wonderful young boy with such a caring and kind way about him. He is very empathetic and feels it is his duty to come to the aid of a child when he sees them crying and he tries to calm them and comfort them. Matthew has such a youthful innocence about him and despite his autism he seems to enjoy reaching out to others and does display a side of him that is quite impressive as he does interact and conduct himself in a very mature way and is very respectful.

Matthew is 10 years old and he still believes in Santa Claus and gets all excited as he writes out his Christmas list. It is a nice time and it makes the holidays special when your child still believes which speaks for his innocence and his spirit. Our son is such a truly special kid and he just fills our heart with such joy. We just feel so happy to see Matthew grow and mature and have such innocent ways. He is so special to us and makes our role as parents a pleasure.

I like to think back to Matthew's milestones like when he said his first word, or when he crawled for the first time, or when he said mama and dada for the first time, or when he started walking. These are wonderful times in a child's life and they are even more wonderful as a parent witnessing it. I remember when Matthew learned to ride a bicycle for the first time and when he went sleigh riding in the snow for the first time down the hill at the park. These are wonderful memories that will last me through my lifetime and I will replay them in my mind as I get older and remember back to the time when our son was so young, innocent and so totally dependent on us.

The joys in raising a child is seeing them come into their own and developing their own distinctive personality. We as parents find it difficult seeing our children grow so fast and we wish we could enjoy the time with our kids when they are young and try to spend as much time with them as we can because you can never get that time back. I always think of that Harry Chapin song, The Cat's in the Cradle and it makes you realize how important it is to spend time with your son when he is young because he won't be that age always and we know that our son will be an adult one day with responsibilities. This is why I do not want to rush Matthew's childhood. I prefer that he maintain that youthful innocence and enjoy his childhood because once you outgrow your childhood you lose that innocence and you are having to take on more and more responsibilities as you grow and take on the challenges of school, peer pressure and growing into young adulthood.

We are enjoying our son and we will always enjoy our son and seeing him grow. Life is so wonderful when you have a child. It gives you the best reason to wake up every day and do all you can for your child.

Edward D. Iannielli III

Making a difference!

We all wish we could lead a life of meaning and purpose where we can truly make a difference in our life and the lives of others. If we could touch one life in a good way we would have made a difference and our life would have certainly meant something. In life we are busy searching and finding out who we are and trying through our experiences to make a life for our self and hoping to find someone to share our hopes and dreams with. I feel we are given challenges in our life because that is how we learn and develop and grow as a person. In my 20s and early to mid 30s I felt like I was doing the right things with good intentions but felt I could be doing more. I was still single and basically living for myself and really did not have all the responsibilities that I was seeking and hoping for. Sure I was responsible in my career choice and for my employers and the clients I served but I felt my life was missing something. I remember on my weekends I would hang with some close friends and go to movies. This was fun for a while but as I saw my friends marrying and having families I realized I wanted to meet a nice girl and marry too. It was my dream to marry and be a father.

I feel we all are seeking to be accepted and to find meaningful friendships that help us learn and develop as we learn from others and hopefully influence others in a good way. When I did meet and marry Maria I felt my life was moving forward and I felt happy and saw so much things I wanted to experience with her. We were planning to have a child almost immediately as I was soon approaching 40 and did not want to miss out on fatherhood. When we were given the precious gift of life with our son I had changed in so many ways and in the best possible ways as I was so proud to be Matthew's father and felt life was so much more meaningful and joyous. I was touched by our son's birth in a way that was very profound and made me very grateful. My life for so long was a constant yearning to have a child to care for and nurture and raise to be a wonderful person. My son teaches me every day and I am so lucky to be given such a wonderful opportunity.

In raising a family we have to make sure we are providing for our children and giving them all the necessary love, support and guidance they need so they can learn and grow and experience the joys of life. Matthew has opened up my eyes and my mind and has given me the precious gift of unconditional love that gives me strength and courage and so much joy and happiness. I am a family man, a teacher, a student, a husband, an employee, a provider, a son, a friend, a brother, an adult, an uncle, a kid and most of all I am Matthew's dad!

As I say that I am so delighted and I am also very serious about this responsibility as I want to do the very best I can to help Matthew overcome his struggles and to help teach him how to find his way and to enjoy his place in the world and to do all he wishes and to make friends and achieve great things and most of all to make a difference in a good way. Matthew is truly beautiful and he has made a big difference in my life and has touched Maria and I and makes our world a far better place to live and that is very special.

Edward D. Iannielli III

The gift of listening.

Sometimes I am alone with my thoughts and I try to work through my feelings and worries on my own and remember how it felt good when I was young when I could talk to my mom and dad and knew they were always there to listen to me and help me with whatever was on my mind. It is very important to be a good listener and to try to reach out to help. I always knew as a kid growing up that there are so many things that shape our lives and contribute to how we develop and how we interact with others. I have always prided myself on being more of a listener and someone who cares and is there to lean on for comfort. I always tell my wife this. I may not have offered advice but I learned to listen and be there. The ironic part of this was I would encourage someone to open up if they felt it would help but I usually kept my own feelings inside that I never talked about and I guess that was how I dealt best with my own experiences. I felt that as a boy it was harder to open up and talk about my feelings and so I just remained introverted and dealt with things on my own terms.

As a parent I knew that it was very important to engage with Matthew in conversation as he grew because he was dealing with so many medical concerns and he needed a lot of encouragement and support. My wife and I knew that we had to teach Matthew to talk his feelings and to let us know if he felt ill or uncomfortable. We were always overly concerned for him ever since he experienced his first seizure and knowing he was also dealing with speech developmental delays and autism. I had to literally learn how to communicate with my son with the help of his early intervention teachers. Maria was home with him more than I was so she learned quickly as she was more involved with him on a daily basis. She would sometimes feel frustrated because it was difficult for Matthew to talk and express himself. He really only started to talk at nearly 3 years old so he was clearly behind in development and since he was not able to talk much he was not always able to express himself. He would cry if he really needed attention and that was the most effective way for him to be heard. Things improved as he received the early intervention training and we were seeing improvement in his speech and his ability to express himself. It took a period of time but Matthew would eventually have a voice and the ability to talk and express himself. It seemed he enjoyed speaking into a recorder and he liked listening to music. He learned by listening to music that it would help calm him and he liked to hum to himself to help him sleep and to also calm him when he experienced any anxiety.

As Matthew is growing and able to express himself I really do enjoy talking with him and helping him to open up and talk. I always have to lead with him as he does not usually talk on his own. He usually has to be prompted and I try to let him know that I am always available for him to talk about anything and to reach out to me or mom whenever he needs to. I know he feels more comfortable talking to his mom because their bond is closer and they are together more often. It is important to have bonding time with my son and that is why I enjoy having a day off so I can give my son my full attention for the day and we like to do fun things together and it is nice to listen to him and to talk with him about school, his teachers, mommy, grandma, pop, his favorite subject, his blog, his favorite movie or his girl friend. I love to tease him and ask him who his girl friend is and he says "Dad, I'm too young to have a girl friend and they like to kiss and kissing is gross." I get a kick out of this and think to myself when I first had crushes on the girls. I know when he gets older this will be one of the things we will talk about with him and when he is ready I will give him the best advice I can and advise him as a father can. His mom will talk to him more from the girl's perspective.

Matthew knows he can reach me anytime he needs to and he can always talk to mommy or myself and we want him to feel comfortable with himself and with talking about his feelings and his day at school or the movie he wishes to see. We always tell him that he has to communicate his feelings so he can address his needs and wants. It is very important and as he gets older he will need to openly talk with others. He needs to be responsive with us, with his teachers and with his classmates. This is how he will grow and mature and find his way. We know he will have to work at it more than most kids but he will be fine and he will be able to find that opening up and talking and sharing his feelings will enable him to feel a lot better and will provide him more friendships and more opportunities. As he matures he will learn the importance of communication and listening and he will find that it is much better when you expand your boundaries and let more people in to your world as it is so much more fun when you have people in your corner who are excited to know you and be your friend.

My best gift I can give to my son is the time he needs to share his feelings and the opportunity for him to communicate to me and that he knows that I will always be there for him as will his mommy to listen and to help him.

This was my parents gift to me and this is why I feel it is my responsibility to let Matthew know that I am in his corner with his mommy and we will give him the encouragement and the guidance he needs.

Edward D. Iannielli III

Learning tough love with an autistic child.

We are celebrating our son's 11th year birthday in a couple of months and we have seen Matthew experience many things in his young life and seen him have his fair share of struggles and difficult days. He has also had his share of good days and it is our hope that as he continues to grow he will have more good days than difficult ones.

I have a lot of love and a deep understanding for my son and what he goes through. I have seen the aftermath of one of his seizures and how it literally knocks him out. The last seizure he had resulted in him having to stay home from school because he slept for the next 6 hours and was not in condition to function at school. It is very alarming and it really makes you worry because if it happens in school or outside and we are not there we are relying on someone being there to help him through it and that is a completely helpless feeling and I hope it will never happen. We have encountered him having a seizure on a school field trip when he was younger and he had to be taken to the hospital.

Our son exhibits on occasion behavior that is considered unacceptable in a classroom setting and he has been suspended from his previous school on several occasions because he could not control himself and he had to stay at home for as long as a week. It is very frustrating to us because we need to have our son properly schooled and we also know that he has to learn how to conduct himself in the classroom. Matthew is on medication and is under a doctor's care for his neurological condition and his mental condition. We as parents are sensitive to his needs and to all the medication he is prescribed. We rely on the doctors and the advice of the school district and we are working with all to help keep our son in school so he can learn and grow. We are also working with a parent trainer who counsels us and offers suggestions in trying to communicate more effectively with Matthew. We encourage good behavior from Matthew and reward him for it but his behavior has to be consistent both at home and in school. If he proves to us that he is improving and his teachers are finding that he is doing better than we reward him with tickets that he redeems for a prize. It seems to work but we need him to know that he should behave in school naturally and should not have to be rewarded to behave well. It should be automatic.

I have mixed feelings about tough love because my son has a lot of medical concerns and I worry for him. I do however realize that he has to follow rules and listen to his teachers and he can not act up in class. He must learn to listen. At times I do get frustrated when I read the teacher's report and see that Matthew had a difficult day following instruction. Therefore I feel I must be stern with him and speak firmly to make him aware that the behavior that is getting him in trouble can not be tolerated and he has to learn to settle down, listen to his teachers and conduct himself in a proper manner. Maria seems to lose patience with him at times and does yell. I try to stay calm and explain to Matthew that if he does not behave he faces the risk of being suspended and if this continues he will have a difficult time staying in school and may have to be home schooled which we are not prepared for and if that was the outcome he would lose all opportunity of being socialized and this would set him so far back. It is very upsetting to me to see my son have such difficulties and I am trying to reach out to others for guidance. I feel my son is a wonderful child who deserves an education and requires someone who can understand him and help him through the difficulties. I am not versed in understanding the mind of a child but I do know that autistic children have a lot more needs and experience a lot more difficulties.

I am working with my wife to help guide Matthew and teach him and show him how to be responsible and to listen and follow instruction. It is so important that he understand this and start to realize it because the teachers are not as understanding when you reach a certain age as they expect proper behavior. I sometimes feel like I am not effectively getting my point across to my son and feel that if he does not learn to behave he will have problems as it will be difficult for him to remain in school. I am somewhat surprised giving the high incidence of autism that the schools are still having difficulty in providing for these kids who have these types of struggles. I will continue to show Matthew my displeasure with his poor behavior if it persists and I will have to take stricter measures as this is his education at stake and I want him to get a good education and learn and conduct himself in the proper way both at home and in school. If it is tough love I will need to use then it will be tough love and I will have to find the right way to implement it as I love my son very much and I want to see him doing well.

As I understand it tough love is a strict and tough approach in dealing with your child and the situation in this case poor behavior that requires discipline, stern discussion and possibly a spanking to show love for your child and disciplinary action.

I wish talking with an autistic child was easier and not so emotionally draining as it seems to be and there were more people out there who understood what our son goes through as he is a wonderful child and is very bright and is dealing with autism, epilepsy and adhd.

Edward D. Iannielli III

A child's imagination.

It is a wonderful gift to have vision and to dream. We all have it within us to imagine great things and to learn to share our thoughts, ideas, visions, dreams and imaginations with others. As children we also have full and vivid imaginations as this is how we expand our world from what we know. Since we are completely dependent on our parents it is our imagination that brings us to new places and we can be anyone we wish in our imagined world. Kids should always be encouraged to imagine and share their thoughts and ideas with their parents, siblings and teachers.

Children love to play make believe and create a whole new life for themselves where for the girls they can be a mommy, a princess, a nurse, a teacher, a musician, a doctor, an engineer, a fashion designer, a business woman, a lawyer or an architect. The boys also like to play make believe and they can also have visions of being a police man, a fireman, a daddy, a doctor, an engineer, an architect, a musician, a baseball player, or even a girl wearing dresses and makeup.

It is normal for kids to fantasize and imagine and we as adults should encourage them to as this helps them develop and grow. This is also a way for them to communicate and teach us how they feel and think of themselves. We should never take their feelings for granted or ignore them. We should always listen to them and accept them and encourage them as they grow and learn about themselves and their world.

Children have an innocence that is precious and we as parents try to protect and preserve that innocence for as long as we can as it is special to have a young child and sometimes we resist their growth but know it is inevitable and that one day they will be their own person with their own feelings and their own ideas and their own responsibilities. We have our responsibility to them to provide for them and to teach them morals and to be self reliant one day.

Our son is becoming his own person and we love him and talk to him every day and we always let him know that we are always there for him and we will always be there for him and want him to know that so he can talk to us about anything he needs to. We want him to have dreams and to have a vivid imagination and to be happy and to enjoy his life. He is a very special kid to us and we are so lucky to have him in our life as he teaches us everyday and brings us great joy. It is our son who makes our lives so much richer and gives us meaning and purpose in our lives.

We encourage our son to dream and to imagine and to be his absolute best in whatever he wishes to do in life. We explain to him that God gave him the talent and the strength to accomplish great things and he can if he sets his mind to it. Even if he has some struggles he will learn to grow from them and acquire an internal strength that will give him insight and courage. He should never limit himself and he should always know that he has so much to offer and that he is very special and should imagine and dream and live a life that has meaning and purpose and hold on to all the good values and strive to share his talents with others as he will be able to do great things and find rewarding friendships and live a life full of joy, happiness and meaning.

Our son is very special to us and we will always encourage him to imagine and to share his thoughts and ideas and to grow and find joy and happiness in his life.

Edward D. Iannielli III

Learning to live with anxiety and worry.

Why is it that when we have to do something for the first time or speak in front of others we experience such anxiety and project our concerns and worries? Sometimes this can overwhelm us and affect how we perform. I know based on my own experiences I would feel uneasy at times in situations and always wished I could ease my mind and just do what I am supposed to without the fear, worry or anxiety. I believe it is part of human nature to have concern and to anticipate the situation before it takes place. Sometimes it helps if you think of something pleasant before doing something for the first time or going on that all important interview. I know for me it helps to think about my son and family and how lucky I am as this grounds me and makes me realize what is most important to me.

I have also had worries and concerns in meeting with my son's doctors and wanted to make sure I was planned to ask questions that were important in my son's recovery. When you have the health and welfare of your son uppermost in your mind you want to make sure you ask everything possible that you had concerns about as they crossed your mind originally.

I remember even as a child I would have butterflies when I started a new class or I got up to bat in a little league game with runners on base or I started at the starting line of a cross country race in high school waiting for the start of the race. I even have these same feelings as an adult so it seems with age we still experience the same butterflies that we did as kids. It takes time to recondition our thinking and allay our fears and anxiety. I believe having some fear is important because it motivates us to try to do our best so sometimes it is important to have some butterflies as it signifies that we are concerned and that is a good thing.

As a responsible parent and husband I also have concerns about my health as I have a young son and wife who rely on me and I have to stay healthy and try to manage my stress and keep my emotions in check so I can manage with the every day demands of life and be supportive of my wife and son. I need to be able to teach my son how to grow and become a man one day so he will be equipped to face his life's challenges. Since he is autistic it will take a lot more support and encouragement and will require a lot of love and guidance.

I talk with my son and explain to him it is normal to think about a test we have to take or a report we have to write or a tryout we have to complete and it is common to have feelings about it and to feel a bit nervous. The main thing to realize is that when we are prepared for that test or report or tryout we will manage and usually do fine despite the fear because we prepared ourselves ahead of time. That is the key that we should always be prepared for our next challenge or encounter and that will always get us through the fear we experience.

So it seems inevitable that we will experience fear and anxiety in our life as that is how we learn and grow and if we prepare ourselves and sometimes change our thinking we will be able to learn to live with these feelings and learn to properly balance them and have positive outcomes.

After all when we put the time into our studies, our work, our family and our children's needs and our friendships we will reap the rewards.

Edward D. Iannielli III

Effective communication.

It is essential in every aspect of our life and it enables us to express ourselves and address our feelings and interact with others and establish relationships. The key to all that is effective communication and it is something that we develop throughout our life with our experiences. We usually are introduced to learning how to communicate as infants when we cry for feeding or to be changed. As we get older we start to form words and start to talk usually by the time we are 18 months. By the time we are 3 years old we are usually stringing words together in sentences and are able to talk with our parents or care providers. As we become young children and go off to school that is the time when we start to learn to speak for ourselves and to take responsibility for ourselves. Communication is the method by which a parent and child both interact with each other and allows each to state their feelings. It is important that the parent listen to the child and try to understand the child's perspective. It is not good practice to be negative with responses to your children as it can affect the child and hurt them emotionally.

In understanding a child you must truly listen to them and be able to step in their shoes and understand them. That is the hardest part in communicating but it is the most important part and it gives you more insight in to what your child needs. As parents we know there are boundaries we have to set with our kids and we obviously do not want to spoil them but it is imperative that we listen to them and let them say what they have to say and that we listen to them.

With an autistic child the communication process is a bit delayed and is much more difficult too for the child to express his or her feelings and it leads to frustration and anger on the part of the child and feelings of helplessness on the part of the parents It is imperative that the child be enrolled in speech therapy and learn situational social dialogues to teach them how to properly express what they are feeling.

In these instances autistic children refrain from social settings to avoid these situations and opt to be alone and occupy themselves with repetitive activities that keep them busy. The problem is they never learn to get along with others and remain behind in social arenas which will hurt them socially.

We are striving to help our son develop in his social growth and expose him to programs that will allow him to learn how to communicate and express himself so he can make friends and have fun and grow like all the other kids. We want Matthew to experience all the things his classmates are and wish for him to fit in and feel good about himself.

Also we realize as Matthew matures and grows we also need to know how to talk to him as he matures and goes through adolescence and has many questions. We need to see that we are there to talk to him of his feelings and what he is experiencing and help him understand and learn how to manage his feelings and emotions. As kids grow they are experiencing so many changes and we as parents have to be there for them to help them through it all and allow them to speak their feeling and it is our responsibility to listen to them and provide them guidance and insight.

I make it a point to spend time with Matthew and discuss all that he is feeling and I try to make him understand that it is important to be well rounded in school, social activities, sporting activities and artistic activities as this will help shape him and help expose him so he can strive to achieve noble pursuits.

I know Maria and I both support our son and we would do anything to help him learn how to properly express his feelings and needs so he can do what he is meant to do.

Edward D. Iannielli III