A birthday milestone, my son and autism

Birthdays are a happy occasion especially for kids because it is a celebration of a special day commemorating their birth and it is a time to share the joy with family and friends of this happy, joyous anniversary. We all like the attention and gifts we receive on our special day and it does not matter if we are children or adults. We feel the specialness of the day and we also thank our parents for the gift of life and the many memories they provided us. I remember when I was a young boy and my family celebrated my birthday and how special I felt. It was nice to have presents, birthday cake, a party and my friends sharing my day with me and my family. The memories of my birthday as a young boy remain with me after all these years and I still smile when I think back to those days.

Today I take great joy in celebrating our son's birthday now that I am a father. I remember the special day when my wife gave birth to our son and how joyous the occasion was and how we felt so blessed. I remember how tiny he was and seeing him cradled in his mother's arms on his very first day of life. Our son is now nearing adolescence and has celebrated many birthdays now which means I am getting older. I live for my son and wish to do all I can with the love and support of my wife to provide our son with all the opportunities he deserves in his life. He has special needs and struggles with autism and has many behavioral difficulties which affects his situation and has disrupted his education and now he awaits placement in an appropriate school setting where he can get along and learn so he can have the opportunity of going to college one day and live his dreams.

I am celebrating a milestone as I will approach the half century mark in a few days and to me it seems that the years and decades have passed by so quickly. The time is fleeting and I still feel young in my mind and not the 50 years that I am now closing in on. I sometimes wonder how the time has passed me by in what seems like the blink of an eye and feel a bit sad because I realize I am aging and have no control over the future. Raising a child we naturally wish to always be there to nurture them and provide them with our love, support and encouragement. When our child is special needs and is on the autistic spectrum it means we wish to always be there for them as they require so much attention and we will be tested and challenged throughout but our love and support will be unwavering and will help us through the tough days we will encounter in raising our child.

As I turn 50 I can't help but think about all the things I need to do to ensure my wife and son will be taken care of in the event my health declines or I am called to leave this earth. We just don't know how long we have to share life with our family and we live and do all we can to provide for our family hoping we will be together for many years to come and live to share and experience our child's milestones in their life. I feel as I get older my days of walking the earth get less and less and I suddenly realize I have lots of planning to do to see that our son will be protected as his needs become greater. I know we wish to support him through college and with all the financial concerns he will face. It seems I need to find a way to not worry and take one day at a time and stay optimistic as I face another year gone by and a new decade of my life. I wish life was not as complicated as it seems. I have always wondered if there was a way we did not have to worry and obsess over things like we do.

I wish we could be assured that everything will turn out OK. As I enter a new chapter in my life I find I am becoming more spiritual and also grateful for all I have been given. I am happy to be married and have a son and I just want to enjoy the days, weeks, months and years together with my family and hope that when it is my time to depart I will have the knowledge and vision that my son will be able to carry on and live a happy and fulfilling life. I have been emotionally affected by my wife and son in my life and by his condition of autism. I have cried on occasion when I felt helpless in providing my son with all the necessary support and guidance he needs. It is not easy raising an autistic child and it seems that at times we will be wondering when and hoping that things will improve over time. As the years go by it seems those feelings still remain and that is why it is my mission in life to see that my son will be provided the same opportunities as kids his age and that he will be encouraged to always do his best and be given the love and support he deserves each and every day.

As I turn 50 I feel a bit uneasy and scared because I know life is fleeting and I will not be here one day and that weighs on me as I have so many concerns for my son and family and that is based on all I have seen and experienced in my life. I lost grand parents and relatives in their mid 60's and my mother who I dearly miss died at the tender age of 50 and we just lost our dad tragically so it is rightly justified how I feel.  I will savor this moment and will live each day with a renewed sense of purpose and know in my heart always that it is my wife and son that I live for and I will always try to do my best to make their lives safe and to make them realize how much I am truly grateful for having them in my life and how much I love them both and will make sure they will always be protected no matter what. So as I approach 50 I will keep a positive and happy outlook and know that my family is always there for me too.

Edward D. Iannielli III

A Christmas wish

The calendar shows that we are once again celebrating Christmas day and as I look back on the year I am truly grateful for all the special moments and joys we've shared as a family. I am reminded also of the challenges and new beginnings we face as well. It seems in life we have to balance the happy times with the difficult times and try to always maintain a healthy and optimistic view of life to help us and give us perspective. Christmastime is a wonderful time of year as it reminds us what is most important in life and that is to be thankful and joyous for our family as we celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus. We all share in the joy of the season and are happy to be together with our family and the ones we love. I have learned so much through the years since our son's birth in December 1998. This year will be our 12th Christmas celebrating together and it seems the years just keep flying by as each Christmas becomes a memory and a reminder of what is most important which is family and helping our son be the best he can be.

One of the biggest challenges our son faces is living to adjust to the difficulties he faces as a result of his autism and to try to do his very best at home, in school and in public. This school year has been a very difficult one for our son as he continues to struggle with socialization and behavior. I have been trying to understand what my son must endure on a daily basis but it is not so easy to get in his head to try to figure out why he encounters these difficulties and setbacks. He has had very difficult times in school so severe that he has been suspended on many occasions. When I think of student-school suspensions I think of unruly children who are troubled kids who have no direction and no one to talk to. In my son's case he is very much affected by his condition of autism and I am not making excuses for him but it is clear that he does not intend to behave poorly. He is struggling internally with his emotions and is unable to control his behaviors because of his inability resulting from his lifelong condition of autism, adhd and epilepsy which has been diagnosed since he was 3 years old.

If I could be blessed with one wish this Christmas it would be to have my son back in a way where he can function and carry on his life as normal as possible so he won't keep missing school and so he can be properly socialized and develop healthy relationships and friendships. It is quite difficult for him at this point and it really affects his mental state and we are also deeply affected and it can be said that our hearts are indeed broken. There is not a day that goes by when I am not consumed with concern and worry over how my son is doing during his day. I have been trying my best to carry on and be strong but his recent declines has affected my own outlook and I have to find a way to help him.

He is currently without a school and this is weighing heavily on my wife and I as we feel helpless and realize how important it is for him to get along and attend school and get back to a normal routine. He has absolutely no control over how to conduct himself and it is causing his experiences and contacts to narrow which is resulting in isolation and controlled settings and under these circumstances he is not growing and developing as he should. It sometimes seems so hard to raise an autistic child and I am sometimes so frustrated that I feel I have no control. It can be very emotional and I have felt very sad for my son's situation as I try desperately to help him so he can have some semblance of normalcy in his life.

If I could find a way to get through to my son about life and disappointment and what we are here for I would be halfway there in helping him but it seems that whatever I say and whatever good intentions I have they get lost in the painful reality of disconnect that most autistic children face and experience in their lives daily. I have enlisted the services of doctors, counselors, teachers, therapists, family, friends and my own efforts in research and obtaining support in helping my son, my wife and myself. It is a long and very winding road and it seems we will travel this road with our son for the rest of our lives as we try to be the best parents we can in helping, advising, teaching and supporting him in his life and his world that can at times test our very limits and cause sorrow when we come upon consistent roadblocks. We will strive to do all we can for the sake of our son and we pray that one day our son will realize how special he is and how much he has to offer in this world we live. Our son has a truly good heart and he would never intentionally hurt anyone. In fact he wishes to help everyone live a better life. The reality is that he first needs to accept his situation and draw positive from it and accept us in our role in helping him as his loving and supportive parents. 

Christmas is a time for joy and hope and that is what I hold onto for my son. I pray for him everyday that he can have a breakthrough and can live and do all he wishes in his life. I want him to know that he is a good kid and has a kind heart and is special in so many ways. I want him to know who he is and I want him to live with courage and confidence and to face life head on with optimism, happiness and love in his heart. I want him to know that his mom and dad will always be there for him each and every waking day of his and our lives and we will all face it together and work on helping him to achieve his own independence when he is ready to do so. We will always put our heart and soul into raising him and providing him with love, support and will expect of him to always do his best. May God always walk with him when we can not and lift him up in his time of need. 

Merry Christmas, Matthew!

Mom and Dad love you very much!

Edward D. Iannielli III    

Autism - Bridging the gap

As a concerned father it is only natural that I want things to be perfect for my son. Sometimes as parents we come to the reality that our child will have struggles and it can be heartbreaking to have to come to terms with that. Raising an autistic child requires a great deal of patience, understanding, encouragement, support and an enduring love that will last forever. I have a sincere hope that my son will have a wonderful life filled with joy, happiness, friendship, love, ambition, success, courage, pride, accomplishment and vision. Our children are an extension of us and we always want what is best for them. We may not always know what that maybe but if we work hard in championing our efforts and seek the needed advice, counsel, support, therapies, schools and dedicated professionals that will help us in our mission in helping our child we will start the process in bridging the gap between our autistic child and the world they live in.

It all starts at home with the nurturing that only a loving parent can provide to their adoring child and a commitment that is unwavering and with firm resolve. Love is special and the love of parent and child is unconditional by nature and the most special bond we can ever have.  Sometimes I cry because I just don't seem to know all I possibly can to help my son and when I see him struggling with his behavior and unable to fit in I really find myself at a loss when it seems that everything my wife and I try are just hopeful attempts in helping our son to get on the right track with school, with understanding the consequences of his actions, with his behavior and with his ability to find meaningful friendships. I am not easily discouraged but raising an autistic child can cause emotional upset and a feeling of hopelessness sometimes.

Everything we do for the benefit of our children is with sincerity and with love. I speak from the heart when I say this because from the day our son was born I pledged to myself, my wife, our son and to God that I would do all I could for him and we would never lose sight of that no matter what. I mean no matter what so for our son who has had quite a bit of challenges with his conditions of epilepsy, autism, adhd and bi-polar disorder it can be said that the days do not come easy for him or for us as his loving parents but we stay together focused in helping our son to have better days ahead and a hope that will be eternal that he too can have a life filled with many expectations and opportunities as we work together to bridge the gaps along the way for him.

As much as I need to be with my wife and son at these times and to be strong emotionally and focused sometimes I need my space to be alone with my thoughts and have my own private time. It may seem selfish but I have to have perspective from outside of the situation and sometimes I need to feel detached from it so I can be somewhat more objective. I am too often an emotional person and I can be read very easily and it is not uncommon for people to pick that up with me as I am always worrying for my son and I feel I need to distance myself at times so I can be stronger and help my son more effectively. It is a daily toll when it seems that all our efforts sometimes don't measure to what our hopes and expectations are for our son.

I learned early on that we will not have perfection in our life and we must adapt and accept ourselves, imperfections and all. We must always remember that we are never guaranteed anything and we have to be grateful for every day and make the most of it. Life is never always certain so it is with this reality that I take one day at a time and I try to teach my son this also. We don't try to do everything at once. We take it step by step so we don't feel overwhelmed and we try to find the good in everything because that is always the best way to see things. I always learned that from my parents and I know this is what I need to teach to our son. 

As parents of an autistic child we rely on so many people to help us in helping our son and it is always our hope that all we do will someday make a difference and help bridge the gap for him towards having a happy and meaningful life. That is our hope and our dream for our son. 

Edward D. Iannielli III

Learning and understanding our child takes time

Children are the precious gift we are blessed with as parents and they teach us about life and responsibility. Raising a child is our biggest challenge and it is one that is a lifetime commitment that requires a great amount of devotion, patience and a whole lot of love and understanding. We all have our views in raising our child and we all want the absolute best for them. We will move heaven and earth to help our child find their way in the world and provide them a loving, nurturing home where they feel happy and comfortable. As parents we wish to offer our child the world but we have to be realistic in what we can and can not do.

When I am working and my son is at school I can't help but think about how he is doing and how I miss not seeing him. We all have our daily routine and may not get to spend the time together that we would like to so when we do have the time to spend together we take full advantage if it. As the years go by I can't help but wonder how the time from when our son was born to today has just gone by so quickly. It seems that childhood is such a joy and a special time in our lives but it is fleeting so when we have a child we try to allow them to be children for as long as possible because when they reach their adolescence it is a coming of age for them and for us as parents. It is a difficult reality to come to grips with and the sign that our child is growing up and we have to allow them their space and at the same time always be there for them to advise and teach them about life and maturity.  

To reach our child we need to truly listen to them and let them speak and express themselves. All children have a voice and they should be heard. The relationship between a parent and a child is a special one and it is a lot of give and take. Early on it is pretty structured as it is constant monitoring for their safety and making sure they are properly fed and changed. It is a time of great joy and learning. We are very in tune with our child as a baby and we feel that it is a very special time in our lives that is fleeting and before we know it is over just like that as our baby is now a toddler.

As parents we try to relate our childhood and growing up and our relationship with our parents to the present for a point of reference. I sometimes think to myself when I am in a situation where my son is having a meltdown and I am trying to calm him what my parents would do. I always try to maintain calmness and reassure my son to help ease him through and encourage him with words that are soothing to him and will help him.

As our child grows we try to keep up with their changing needs and adapt to their situation and guide them and be there for them as they see the world differently from the day before. Life has a way of changing as the years pass and it is our responsibility to meet the challenges that lie ahead so we can address our child's needs.

Once we finally figure out our children they are now young adults and their life has taken shape from our relationship with them, their experiences growing up, their friendships and their education. It is our wish that our child will pursue their education and strive to always do their best and to develop a healthy and happy personality that will help them deal with all of life's situations.

Raising our son is the best thing Maria and I have in our life and we wish to do all we can to assure him a happy and memorable childhood and equip him with confidence and a feeling that he can do anything he sets his mind to.

Edward D. Iannielli III


         

Autism, behavior and a child's fight

I am not sure why autistic children in general have so many difficulties in their young lives. It seems they have many challenges that most of us have integrated in our lives successfully. There are so many questions that come to mind relating to autism and I realize not all autistic children are the same so these questions certainly won't always apply to all and may only apply to some so please do not take offense to any of these questions but I find that they have entered into my mindset because of our personal experiences. We always want to improve upon the situations and do all we can but realize we need help, support and guidance and doctor's who are committed and truly care. As I think of the many questions these are some that come to mind.

How do we help an autistic child to freely talk and express themselves? How do we help an autistic child to feel emotion and use their eyes to make contact with others? How do we make it easier for an autistic child to experience change in their normal routine and accept it? How do we help our autistic children to eat healthier and not be as fussy? How do we help our autistic children while they are experiencing a meltdown and help them afterwards? How do we encourage our autistic children to find friendships so they don't have to do things alone? How do we teach our autistic children in understanding right from wrong so they finally do understand? How do we ease the burden of our autistic children so they don't have difficulty sleeping anymore? How do we teach our autistic children to be patient and follow the rules so they don't test the patience of others? How do we help our autistic children so they don't get in trouble for poor behavior? How do we teach our autistic children the fundamentals of sports so they have less difficulties with coordination and gain an appreciation of sports participation? How do we improve our autistic child's self esteem?

As the father of an autistic child I have been asking myself and others these questions for the longest time and still don't have the answers. I have learned though that it is very important to embrace your autistic child and show them love, understanding and compassion. Equally as important is letting them know that you will always be there for them no matter what.

I have had times of great frustration in seeing my son struggle and seemingly shy away from others. I know the pain of being lonely and feeling shy so I certainly can empathize with my son. I only wish to see him be happy, feel good about himself, make friends, follow the rules, behave appropriately at school, in public, at home and at family gatherings, do his homework and always try his best in whatever he does. I don't think this is unreasonable to wish for but I know how hard it is sometimes to get through to an autistic child. I am praying for my son everyday and hoping his behavior will improve as he realizes the consequences of his actions. He is a pre-teen and I am concerned for him during his teenage years and hoping he will be a mature and responsible kid as he grows. He has his share of difficulties socially and sometimes has a disconnect with reality and acts out in ways that are considered inappropriate and I get so frustrated because it seems no matter how many times I talk to him to help him in realizing right from wrong he seems to not understand and I am trying my hardest in looking for answers as to why.

I just can't always be there physically when my son is having difficulties and when I am it is never for the same reasons. Anything can cause him to react out and have a bad outburst such as a meltdown. He does not seem to have a grasp of his surroundings at times and will react. This is quite hard on us as his parents. We want him to always feel comfortable within himself in any given situation and it seem that is not so easy for him. We speak to parents of autistic children and they also feel similar to us in how their child will react out at any given time and any given moment. I feel very alone sometimes as the doctor's are not there to help us get him straight in his thinking. Our son is a wonderful kid but he seems to march to the beat of a different drum and I just don't know why it is so hard for him to just listen and understand. I love my son and wish to help him but I am not a psychologist or a doctor and the one's we rely on have many patients and Matty is just one of many and a 15 - 45 minute session once or twice a month is not going to make the difference it seems. It is a financial drain also as we are responsible for part of the medical bill and seemingly not getting all that we need to help our son.

I wish I knew how to calm my son and get him on the right track. Is it going to be sedation from medication that we will ultimately have to choose or will he finally come around as he matures? Honestly I do not want to have to face that choice as I lost my mom to being heavily sedated from medication from her illness and it affected me and made me realize how so unfair life can be sometimes.

No matter how difficult the road seems and how emotionally draining the situation I need to always be there for my son and guide him as best I can. I am far from an expert in raising an autistic child and I personally have not met an expert in childcare but I do know that my son needs me and needs our love and encouragement and that is certainly something we can provide as his parents. I also need to be as patient and understanding with my son as I possibly can and be not only his father but his friend.

When I was told long ago we would face many challenges in our life I did not realize that my biggest challenge would be in understanding my son and loving him with all my heart and soul and being the best dad that I can possibly be. This is my greatest challenge and one I accept with all the love in my heart.

My son also has the biggest challenge in his life and that is to always listen, follow the rules, try his best always and find the internal strength to conduct himself appropriately in all situations and live his life to always respect, honor, obey and know we are there with him and God is always by his side. This is his fight to be the very best he can be and we are on his side as we always have been.

Matty, Please always remember this!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy and Grandma

Edward D. Iannielli III    

  

Autism and a new school year

Well as I look at the calendar and we turn the page from August to September and we make our last visit to the pool and our last car trip of the summer to a fun destination we are now preparing our son for the new school year. It seems the months between mid June and early September seem to fly by and the long anticipated summer is now behind us and the prospects of a new school year now face us. As the father of an autistic child I am always concerned for my son and how he will adjust to the new year, the new grade and now a whole new staff of teachers. This year will be a true test for our son because he will be mainstreamed for the first time and will have 6 separate classes. I am hopeful he will adjust to the new classroom settings and will apply himself like I know he can. We always will be there for him and making sure he is responsible in doing his assignments and communicating with us about the new changes.

It will take him some time to adjust I am sure but we will have to make sure he adapts as quickly as he can because the teachers will demand him to be at his best and be responsible as a 6th grader should be. It seems hard to believe my son is a 6th grader now because I remember quite vividly when I was a 6th grader as that was the first year I attended a new school as my family moved from Brooklyn, New York to Bellmore, New York and I had to adjust to a new school, new friends and a new home. It was an adjustment for me but I managed and that is what I expect my son to do also. As I think back to my years as a 6th grader I feel I was pretty mature and pretty responsible as I learned well from my parents. 

My son is mature and very bright but seems to have the typical social disconnect that most autistic children have and that is what we have been trying to help him with in improving upon so he can develop and make more friendships and have more experiences that will help him grow and blossom as a child should with his potential and pleasant qualities.

This summer was the first time Matthew attended summer classes as in the past he attended summer camp. After a rocky start and a change in schools he seemed to adjust fairly well and seemed to enjoy the experience. We believe it was a step in the right direction for him to attend summer class to help him maintain the structure of the school setting and give him the continuity that he needs and maintain his academic skills.

Another plan I have for my son is to get him involved in a sporting activity that will teach him discipline, provide him a valuable skill and help develop his confidence and self esteem and I am hoping he will take to it and enjoy the lessons and develop friendships and learn from a dedicated and understanding instructor. I have always felt that Karate would be a wonderful sport to introduce my son to because it teaches the art of self defense, it teaches skills and it promotes achievement and develops confidence and helps with improving self esteem. This is all that I am looking for to help my son and I will provide him this opportunity if I feel his instructor can teach him, mold him and help him.

I look forward to the new school year for my son with hope and optimism and I wish I could always be by his side every step of the way. I realize growing up is not easy and I sense my son is having concerns and expressing fears and I need to find the appropriate ways to teach him how to deal with his feelings and to just help him realize how he should just enjoy being a kid and do the best that he can without getting all nervous and uptight about it. I know what he is going through because I have gone through it and all kids go through it and it seems life can be complicated and filled with so much uncertainty and times of feeling unsure and lacking confidence. That is the time when we have to open up and share our concerns and thoughts with someone we trust such as a parent, a teacher or a close friend. I always discuss with my son that he should always talk with me or his mom about anything and everything that he is experiencing and concerned about. That is my biggest responsibility as his father and I want my son to know that he can come and talk to me anytime. Every parent should always make themselves available to their children especially as they reach the adolescent years. 

Well my son will start school in a couple of days and we enjoyed some days of fun and recreation together this past week which I know is important and made a difference. We spent a day at Splish Splash in Riverhead which is a fun waterpark and we also went to Dorneypark in Allentown, Pennsylvania which was a blast as we enjoyed going on all the fun rides and we just spent the hours at the park hoping they would never end. The days were fun but went so fast and now we are ready to go back to work and school. Once Matty starts the school year and gets used to his schedule I'm sure everything will be just fine. I have every confidence in my son and I will be there for him as he is my pride and joy. Matty knows how much his mommy and daddy love him and he knows the importance of school and that we will always be there for him as he start another year of school. Good Luck Matty!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Edward D. Iannielli III
  

Autism Insight: A child's view

I have been touched emotionally in many ways because I had loving parents who taught me early on to always be thankful and appreciative for all the small things in life that bring us joy and happiness. It is so true how simple things can make us feel so good and help us smile, laugh and cry all at the same time. It is a blessing to have the capacity to feel and to express ourselves. I knew as a child the importance of earning one's trust, the joy of establishing friendships, the ability to open up as a person through self expression and the bond essential in life between us and our parents which we hope lasts a lifetime. As children it is important to always feel safe and protected and I knew we were each and every day of my life because of our loving parents who always did all they could for my sisters and I.

As we find out in life as we experience it each and every day it is far from perfect and as much as we hope to have joyous and happy days we will encounter times that will challenge us and days that will make us cry tears of sadness. It is a natural and very real part of life and we have no control over it no matter how much praying we do. I find that we have to approach life in a way that allows us to appreciate what we have and to strive to do our best and to give thanks to all who have touched us along the way. We also have to be realistic about life and know that we should always be grateful for yet another day we wake and spend it with our family because we don't know how many tomorrows we have. It is so important to just live our life and surround ourself with the ones who mean the most to us, our family and our friends and always be there for them.

Our children are the ones who need us the most and we need them as well and we have a precious gift from God of sharing our life with them and seeing them grow and develop from infants to young adults and experiencing living through their firsts, their joys, their tears and their accomplishments. Having a child will change your life and give you insight into your parents' experiences and will help shape you and teach you more about life then you could ever learn from a textbook. In the initial days of our son's birth we were learning and doing all we could to make sure we were attentive to his needs and we were nervous but we knew we had to just be natural, calm and just be grateful for having this wonderful opportunity and blessing.

It seems like a blur now thinking back to my son's early days as a baby. Some days stand out but the time just seemed to fly by and it seems sad in a way how life seems to be so fleeting and before we know it our babies are growing children approaching young adulthood. It is our responsibility as parents to raise our children and teach them and help them develop self esteem, confidence, establish trust, learn to respect others and to conduct themselves appropriately in all situations. We always want the best for our children and we want them to feel loved and to have the confidence to do their very best and to find happiness and faith.

As a parent I feel it is our top priority to listen to our children and teach them to never be afraid to talk and express themselves and share their feelings and thoughts. With autistic children I also feel it is imperative to listen and respect their feelings. I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions since finding out my son was diagnosed as autistic as a toddler and have been unsure sometimes on how best to handle conversations about it with my son. I certainly have written a lot about it and put a lot of time and effort into trying to understand it and share our experiences. I have to also remember that it is most important to listen to my son and understand his feelings. I am not trying to label my son or have him feel different because of his diagnosis. I just want him to understand that no matter what doctor's and professionals diagnose his condition as, he should never feel limited or different. He should find the courage and strength to live with his diagnosis, never give it a second thought and turn it into a positive so he can strive to do his best and find his talents and interests and follow his dreams.

I write because I love my son and wish to help him and realize I openly express my feelings and experiences about his diagnosis and feel this may not always be a good thing because it affects him and I don't want to have him constantly reminded about his diagnosis. In a way I feel the writing is necessary but I also feel I need to distance myself from it and not always think about it as I do. I have the best of intentions but feel I also need to honor my son and try to take the focus off the diagnosis and direct my writings, feelings and thoughts in a constructive way that will help us both. I can't help the fact that I have these feelings running through my mind and need to channel them in a positive way. All my writings are meant to be a constructive way of putting my emotions, fears, concerns, ideas, thoughts, visions, hopes and dreams to life in a positive way with the intention of helping my son and hopefully someone who is also experiencing the same with their child and their diagnosis of autism. To me I feel that the diagnosis should never limit my son and I will always encourage him and always be there for him and I feel my writing will be there for him years from now when I may not. For me that is also why I write so I can leave something tangible for him. I would love to leave him millions of dollars but that is not reality so my writings will be a gift from my heart.

I have asked my son to share his feelings on Autism with me and not to be afraid to. He has told me something that took courage and made me realize how important it is to give a child a voice. What he told me brought a tear to my eyes and made me feel very lucky to have such a wonderful son. What he said to me is this: "Dad, I know how your writing helps you to feel better and I think that you write about autism because you really care about me and want me to be ok like mom does. I wish I never had autism but I do but if I didn't I hope that you would still write about me like you do." When he said this to me I just told him how much I love him and that I would write about him with or without autism because he is my life and I am so very proud of him. I also told him how I wish to write about "Pop" because he was so brave and he did so many wonderful things and he was always telling Matty that he could do anything and that he was so proud of him. When I think about this I feel such emotion and that is why I write. I have been blessed and I want my son to know how much mommy and daddy love him and want to see him do his best.

Dedicated to Matty and Pop.

Edward D. Iannielli III