Sunday, April 4, 2010
Life Lessons: A father and son's bond and life's harsh realities
From my own personal experiences in growing up I know we are influenced by our upbringing which plays a big part in our development and how we see the world. I also know that the experiences we encounter along the way also plays a big part in defining us as individuals. It is therefore extremely important that we as parents provide our children with love, respect, encouragement, conversation and a bond that is consistent, sincere and comes from within our heart and soul keeping us together in each others lives for as long as God permits. I know I had a wonderful relationship with both my parents as a kid and though at times I felt alone I always knew I had the support of both my mom and dad and I felt safe and protected even though they struggled at times with job insecurity and uncertainty.
For me I feel it is an absolute joy and privilege in raising a son and it is the most important responsibility in my life. I know in my heart that I wish to provide my son with all the love,support,nurturing and financial security that I can as a father. My wife also is very active in his day to day needs and is with him more than I so he is aware how much we are here for him and wish to provide our very best. I am also aware of my son's condition and that it is sometimes more difficult in establishing a relationship and getting on his level. It takes years to learn and adapt and get through to your child so it is vital that as a parent you never lose hope or express frustration or hopelessness. Establishing a relationship with your child also requires give and take and a whole lot of patience.
The love is always there and the good intentions as well. The element of time is the most fundamental commodity that we never seem to have enough of and I am always struggling with providing my son all the time I can with him. It seems at times life can be a struggle with anxiety and worry because it is absolutely essential that we work so we can maintain what we have. Our lifestyle is average and modest at best because it is so very expensive to live today and everything we have we have to work hard to keep. This seems to take a hold on your life and seemingly slowly saps the joy in life away. I am very committed to my son and family and wish to provide the very best I can and sometimes it can be frustrating when it seems like you can not always be there due to life's other responsibilities.
I have grown to realize that there seems to be such a divide in life where there are the affluent who live in luxury and on the flip side there are so many people who are barely getting by and are doing all they can and so many others who are truly suffering and living in poverty. It absolutely breaks my heart when I see such pain and suffering of children going without food and knowing that homelessness is growing at an alarming rate. It seems we are powerless over this and preoccupied with trying to provide the best we can for our family. I try to teach my son the importance of having patience, working to do his best, never giving up, always trying to smile and being responsible. I also shield him from our insecurities like my parents did. Our kids certainly have to learn the ways of the world at an earlier age then we did and when your child is also dealing with autism then it seems that we have to really focus our efforts and attention in acclimating him to the ways of life.
Sometimes we have to take a step back and do something simple that involves our child and leave our worries behind so we can give our child our absolute undivided attention and support them and listen to them. We can never lose sight of this because it is our children we are entrusting the future to and we have to make sure they are prepared.
I want my son to grow into manhood with confidence, joy, love, happiness and internal strength and I also will need to help prepare him for the inevitable things we all have to face including the heartbreaks we will encounter as time goes by. I wish I could guarantee my son that we will be here always and see him grow and accomplish and establish his own relationships.
Knowing this makes it all so important to make the time for my son and to bond with him and be the calming influence and source of guidance and support in his life. I will always do this for as long as we all shall live.
Edward D. Iannielli III