Balancing emotion.

Learning to deal with our emotions is very important as we grow and experience things in our life. We must not allow our emotions to cloud our thinking or get in the way of making important decisions. We must always try to maintain a proper balance and think with clarity and always remember that it is normal to have feelings and be affected by them as that is being human. Sometimes the hardest part in making a decision is learning to distance ourselves from our feelings as this can affect our choices. It is also very normal to make decisions based on how we feel. It is a well known reality that when we decide to marry a lot of the reasons we marry is based on our emotions and feelings for the person we decide to share the rest of our life with. So we do base our decisions on emotion quite a bit and we have to distinguish between whether that is a wise choice or not. We also have to be mature in making decisions and learn to take responsibility for our actions.

One of the hardest decisions we face in our life if we are fortunate to be parents is how we choose to have our child treated if they encounter a seizure, high fever, autistic meltdown, severe nose bleed, behavioral difficulties or other ailment and require medical attention. We have faced these very important decisions with our son on many occasions and it is quite difficult as we do a lot of second guessing and always question ourselves. We are always trying to make the best decision for our son and we also rely on the experience and knowledge of others to help us and our main focus is providing our son with the best care we can. We are very deeply affected in our decision process when it comes to our son and we always worry for his well being and the care he is receiving. It is natural to be emotional about your child because they are your responsibility and you always want to do your absolute best for them.

I remember we waited a while before we decided to do a brain MRI for Matthew and it was a difficult decision but we felt it was necessary to see if there were any clues as to why Matthew encountered seizures and autism and why the seizures were prevalent. It was difficult to witness Matthew being medicated to enable him to sleep during the process but it was absolutely necessary and best for him as he was a young child. As they readied him in the MRI machine my heart sank and I was very concerned and as I was sitting next to Maria and told by the doctor to put the ear plugs in our ears I was tearing up as our son had to go through this and he was so young. I felt so much emotional pain and worry for him but I realized I had to be strong for him and Maria. It was quite an experience to hear that machine make those loud and strange sounds and all I could think about was Matthew's safety and the results of the tests. We were better for the experience and Matthew made it through as he always does with courage and a good attitude. We are so proud of him and amazed with his maturity in instances like these. As the doctor placed Matthew in the recovery area to awaken he told us we would receive the formal test results and he concluded that Matthew's brain did not exhibit anything unusual that caused his medical condition. He was encouraged with the test results so we breathed a sigh of relief.

As Matthew awoke after sleeping for a little while we were happy to hear him say he was hungry and the doctor said that was great to hear and encouraged us to treat him out to a nice dinner so we took him to his favorite restaurant, Friendly's where he ate his dinner and ice cream. So after all the worry it turned out a positive experience having Matthew undergo the MRI and we were encouraged by the test results but were still wondering why he has seizures and autism.

When it comes to Matthew's schooling we have had to make a lot of decisions that affect his future and we are always concerned that we are doing right by him. Matthew has had difficulties with behavior as a result of his medical condition and it was becoming quite obvious that the school he was attending, Summit Lane was not equipped to deal with his changing behavior and we had to attend several meetings to sort it all out and rely on the experience of an advocate to help us. It was not an easy decision to make but it was the school's recommendation that he attend a new school, Salk Middle school and we were convinced by all the staff and school psychologist that this was the appropriate program for Matthew and the director of the program met with us and explained the program to us and felt that Matthew would be suited for the school. We had a lot to think about but our decision was pretty easy to make because we knew he would not be able to continue at Summit Lane and we knew we could not afford a private school and we heard such great things about Salk's program so we were very encouraged and felt that Salk middle school would be a good choice for our son. We are encouraged so far and we like his teachers. He has had some difficulties but hopefully with time he will adjust and get through those difficult times and hopefully they will become less. We want Matthew to do well and succeed and enjoy his school experience and we would also like to see him become more involved in school and mature and grow and learn to become more confident and to make friends as he is such a wonderful young boy and deserves to fit in and feel good about himself.

By my very nature I am a very emotional person and I can be a bit sensitive and try to always put on a brave face. I have learned a lot from my parents in how to deal with life choices but no matter how much you try to be prepared it is still difficult to make important decisions and I always try to make them with a lot of thought and for a desired outcome. I also have ways of dealing with stress so it is less overwhelming and when I can escape my stress through my ways I feel better and can be more focused and clear headed. We all try to relieve stress in ways that help us through and we may not all do it the same way but if what we do works then we should continue to do what works for us. I have always felt this way. The bottom line is my wife and son mean everything to me and I will do anything I have to for our lives to be as good as they can. We are supposed to find happiness and joy in our lives and share that with others and we all should be respectful, courteous and helpful to all we meet. Life is fleeting and we need to recognize how important we are to others and how important others are to us.

I always tell my wife and son everyday that I love them so much because when I walk out that door I want them to know it because we just never know what can happen and we have to always be prepared. Life is very emotional and we have to learn to try our best to always keep our emotions in check so we can do the best we can. I always want to do my best for my wife and son as they are my life and without them I feel very empty. I need them in my life very much and I love them very much!

Edward D. Iannielli III